COMPLEX

2009-07-29T09:36:00.001-04:00

Didnt I Say this shit over a month ago?

Link

Im Just Sayin....

Should I Or Shouldnt I?

2009-07-27T18:40:00.001-04:00

Debating on if i'll come back here or not.....

@ This Point Its Very Unclear....

BOREDOM

2009-06-12T11:32:00.008-04:00

As of late, I have been becoming increasingly bored with blogger. I think I'm so tired of writing about my life and I'm more interested in documenting things that I like, and inspire me....

I've noticed the trend with other bloggers as well.... some people aren't updating for weeks at a time..... I mean when I update it seems like a hassle just to want to write..... It used to come ever so easily.... @ the moment I think I'm going to concentrate on my self improvement, this lil pet project I have started over @ Tumblr, and my other blog Visionaries.... I need things to feed my creative energy.....

In other words.... I wont be posting here for a good while.... I will continue to log on read and comment on those that I follow....

But, I need a break from this.... I'm just done for right now.... I'm sure ill return, but right now.... A much needed Break is due....

until I Return....

» PRIMO

Blame It On The Alcohol......

2009-06-09T12:21:00.010-04:00

I Tell You..... Bus Rides are a fucking mess! I Will never [I Repeat] NEVER Ride another damn Greyhound Unless absolutely necessary and I have no choice But to be dragged on the bus. The damn ride there was the worst. Crackheads running in falling in the main aisle, Africans talking in 7 dialects, Funky white women, People watching and showing other people porn on their phone, the smells, and Plain ass crazies sticking quarters in their ears and having conversations with themselves as if they were on a blue tooth. I couldn't wait till I seen the "Welcome to Ohio" Sign I was like yes only a few more hours of this Insanity....

These are My eyes the entire way....

Ready To Slap A Ho With The Quickness..... And I Had my Knife... I Don't Play.....

But Anyways.....

I Lunched so hard the entire time I was there. I stayed drunk the entire time I was their. I mean on a daily basis. Im feeling it now tho. My body feels so drained and sluggish. Im going through a Detox as we speak lol. Drinking plenty of water! lol. It was so nice to kick it with my Fam for a good solid week! I missed everyone and I got to see my brothers/cousins graduate. Im so proud of em! they so Grown! Of course someone had to act up during graduation, A man in the middle of the ceremony acted a plum fool because his daughter got arrested. I mean in the middle of the ceremony..... Only in Ohio...... I was just happy his ass wasn't black for once cause in my hometown my fellow black folks always acting a clown. All in all I loved it. The entire trip [except the bus]. Especially since I have no clue when i'll be going back. All the hell I know for sure is that it wont be by bus!

Me and my Best-friend took an impromptu trip to Michigan to go to a store. It was a mess but I had fun nonetheless! We probably should have planned the trip better but it was a nice little road trip. And it was nice to spend time with my best-friend who I haven't seen since November.... I also reconnected with some old friends from High School. Ain't nobody changed one bit lol. Oh yeah PacSun Is becoming one of my favorite stores..... I definitely have to hit them up for some Shirts..... And Belts..... And Shorts.... Ok Fuck It Some Summer Gear! I Dunno why but I love that store. Maybe cause its Skateboard~ish :P

~ Well,

Me and my Ex reconnected. Not Reconnected in that way. We are friends. He has changed. I see the relationship/break-up he had changed him a lot. Someone is so much more open and communicates now. Someone is now a lot more sexually open also. Someone told me that I can have IT[It meaning Be on the receiving end for me, which he's done only 2x in the past for me, and I'm still the only guy he's done it for.] whenever I wanted and that someone is now into more Oral endeavors. TeeeHeee! ;P Someone then went on to say that he can still see us getting back together one day and that he knows no matter what that he will end up with me. He also goes on to explains that all the guys he's been with since me, [2 btw] haven't been able to compare and that honestly he's just been trying to find a guy just like me because he hasn't had a better relationship and that our relationship was his ideal relationship. But he understands why we broke it off. This was the first time we talked about everything under the sun. Like I said someone has become very open. The reasons I found why we broke it off could have been fixed back then if we just communicated back then like we do now [He wanted us to be public and open about our relationship but never told me that instead he pushed me away, and i broke it off after a good month of feeling like I was in a relationship with a ghost.]. I wont lie tho, [Whisper] I guess there is a little Shimmer still left in my being for him..... [/Whisper] But like I said we are just friends and he's going to have to show and prove if he ever wants to be serious again but at the moment I'm not worried about it. And oh yeah I'm so proud of myself. I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM THE ENTIRE I WAS THERE! We only kissed. Now this is a good and bad thing. I have been Sex-less Since November and it would have been nice to end this Dry Spell! But on the other hand I refuse to be his rebound. Been there, done that! Won't do it again. Absolutely Not! SO even tho he was offering up what I wanted I stayed strong.... But next time...... :) Me and him also went out for the first time ever together. It was so damn fun. He could also tell that I changed. We got Mardi Gras beads for kissing with whip cream & cherries in the middle of a straight strip club. lol. Mess Right. We ended up their after plans to go to a Gay bar in Cleveland fell through. [Im still a gay club Virgin....*Sigh*....SMH....]After that he explained that was what he always wanted in our relationship, us being open in public. It was very fun though and we had a ball! And alot of what was in the dark came to light. All in all I felt like we had a sorta breakthrough. It was nice to see him. He has now been keeping in frequent contact with me. LMAO! Who knows. Right now were just friends. Just how I like it.

SMH

Dont Ask Me.....Chile......

All I Know Is Never Take The Bus.......

Ready For Whatever | Electrik Red

2009-06-01T09:34:00.016-04:00

Right now I'm getting ready to pack my shit to get on this 14hr <[Just Going To Die.... I Mean Just Die!] bus ride back home to Ohio @ 6:05pm. Washing up some last minute items, charging all my little electronic devices, Packing snacks, making sure I got everything and having what I like to call when I preview a new CD, a "Studio Session" Wth this Electrik Red - How To Be A Lady, Vol. 1. I Been listening to it for the last 2 days. For those that liked "So Good" I think you'll love the CD. The Explicit Version, Of Course. The-Dream's influence is all over this baby, and since he wrote & produced almost every damn song [With that other guy], you can only expect it. They have a really good sound going for them. They're no Destiny's Child or Danity Kane[I'll Miss those girls], They Sound Like Neither...... But honestly their better than Danity Kane to me, I could never listen to one of their albums straight through like I can this Electrik Red. They Have their own little Niche, and are some of the best songs I've heard in '09. I Heard They Made This Baby in 2 weeks. It seems like some really good albums are made when they do it in a shorter time span [Beyonce - B'Day, Kanye West - 808s & Heartbreak]. They're not the nice girls. These are Bitches Wit Attitude! LOL! Not to mention they are Sexy and have a nice lil style going on. But honestly its definitely worth a listen [You can On Myspace or IMEEM, BTW]. And since they have literally no competition......[Correct me if I'm wrong but, What other R&B/Pop Girl group is there?] I Think they are here to stay....

Some Of My Favorites From The Album Are:

Muah

Devotion

Freaky Freaky

Bed Rest

Friend Lover

P Is For Power

9 to 5

On Point

Go Shawty

I Cant wait to Touch Down. [Im There For A Week This Time.] Cause When I do.... I'm Ready For Whatever.....

Let The Bottles Pop And The Lunchin' Commence!

2009-05-30T18:46:00.003-04:00

I Need To Implement This Into My Daily Life. It Should Definitely Be My New Motto....

Courtesy Of [melodysblog] - Designer, Melody Eshani

Lady Gaga | Beyonce | Ciara

2009-05-26T23:19:00.034-04:00

Beyonce

Now we all know Beyonce is Notorious for biting, flipping it, and making it her own. And believe me I aint hating Cause B does it like no other, she'll have you believe she made the whole look up her damn self, she does it so well. But not a trained eye like mine. No Indeed, Absolutely Not. But lately Seeing all her I Am... World tour pics and thinking of her videos Everytime I see A picture or video I cant help but Think

Lady Gaga?!?!

The Diva Video <[Since I cant embed that baby] was what did it for me.

The Black Corseted

Piece was so Rihanna. the first time I saw the Diva video I'm like

I know B aint got

Rihanna making a Cameo [ we all know she dont allow

other bitches in

her videos... hell! the dancers be lucky they get to be there...],

but then the close up and its B wearing something thats so

Rihanna's Style.

Then She has the Sunglasses, Bikini Leotard, heels,

asymmetrical jacket,

I think damn she looking like Gaga! The whole video I'm

like the only time

where she actually looked like Beyonce was the first 45

seconds when

she walks into the building. She used to have her own

style but now.. not so much.

She has a great street sense when shes

just out and about

but when it comes time for Sasha Fierce to come out...

Thats another story.

Every time I see B performing, she in something:

Assymetrical, Graphic, Black & White, or a leotard

with something protruding out of it like..... GaGa.

Lady Gaga

The new chick on the scene. Lady GaGa is the only chick out there I think in a few years will be able to stand toe to toe with Beyonce on the Pop Scene. She already Killing the Dance Genre.

She has what Christina And Britney Both lack. Gaga can sing, Britney Cant. GaGa Can dance, Christina Cant.

Plus she writes and produces

almost all her shit and designs her outfits.

Plus everyone from Christina Aguilera & #2, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, < [Click to See Pic Cuz Them
hoes wont get a pic On Here]
To Beyonce is already biting her unique Style.

As long as she keeps carving out her own path,
I Think GaGa is here to stay.

Now Ciara.......

Chile, Dont even get me started.... she went from this: Classic, Street, Chic! Just All around well put together!

To This Flaming Stroke Inducing Hot Mess!

This Girl got too many concepts going on and she don't know how to execute them correctly.... Her album Fantasy Ride was supposed to be a 3 Disc Like B's is a 2 disc. Just after she got sexy on us on The Evolution I thought she was gonna deliver..... She lost her Momentum just like Rihanna is about too. [Hell the only Thing Keeping Rihanna Afloat is her Clothes, and the Chris Brown Trial.... I Like Rihanna But She just doesnt Have any Musical Swag.... I Could Never see her Doing A Remix To Someone else's song on a mixtape. She A Studio Singer to me]....... Ciara, She Stay Biting Beyonce..... Oh Yeah And Don't get me started On LoveSpellSickMagicianPotionSpell Or whatever the hell its called...... Hate That Mess!

Chile Just Do The Song With Chris Brown.... Thats All I Want!

Chile... The Stills Say enough On that one.....

What You Think?

C R U S H [2]

2009-05-19T11:21:00.021-04:00

Ok Back To The Sexy....

Well anyways a couple days later, last week to be exact, I was walking in. it had to be about 9 last sunday cause I was doing a overnight at work and we were closing. well anyways I was walking up to the guest service desk to talk to my friend J who works up their. And lo and behold Here Comes [hold on I haven't give him a name.... Ill call Him "Fresh". His name is actually very similar to mine in the fact that it rhymes with mine, his just has a C at the beginning.] So lo and behold comes Fresh looking well Fresh! lol. So him and J converse and he calls J @ bitch and such and walks away. So I use this as my opportunity to find some info out about him. J tells me he's New, His age, and what his name is. And that "Fresh" is a all around cool as hell dude. Im like OK as I watch him walk away. So I go to get some food/drinks since I was going to be their overnight from 9pm-6:30am, and on the way back to the front end I see "Fresh" and he's like what up, I say what up back and he's like I haven't seen you here.... you been here all night? Im like Nah Im just coming in. Im doing a overnight... He's like damn what time yall get off I'm like 6:30am he's like damn I couldn't do it I like my sleep. Im like "yeah me too but I get the rest of this week off till sat after I do the 2nd overnight tomorrow". He's like "oh thats cool. " then we exchange names and he's like he has some work to finish cause we close in 5 minutes, so hell see me around... Im like Cool its on! :D Already Anticipating the chance to hold a longer conversation with him the next time I see him.

Well I Got My Chance!

One day last week I came in and looking at the where they had me sectioned to work @ I noticed that he was put there too. I Was like oh wow. So I clocked in with a smile lol. but anyways when he came in we talked like the whole time. Thats when I noticed how nice and straight his teeth were [I think its very attractive]. He's half German, Half black. He's a army brat and was born in Germany and lived there for 14 yrs. He's lived all over the US and I think he even said he lived in Canada for a while. He's 20 but very mature. Very calm and real chill. Also kinda flirty in a way. And very damn funny. We was seriously Lunchin' on the clock. Probably the most fun I had at work since I left all my real good work buddies in OH. He's A lot more mature than younger guys I've known in the past tho, because he seems to have alot of focus on where he wants to go in the future. Then the surprising thing was that he lives in my neighborhood.... well a different section. All the little housing developments have names like little villages. but all in all he's like 3 minutes away. When he found that out he was like "oh thats cool." In my head: Im like you have no Idea. He is so damn sexy! He's so my type. The whole time i was talking to him the freakiest thoughts were visualizing in my head. I could see myself having some fun with him. Im like it would be great to end this like 6.5 month drought lmao! But all in all I think he's Straight, simply because he talked heavily about females. And each and every time we had eye contact he always pulled away a second before it got too long. That night when it was time to clock out & go home I wanted to ask him did he need a ride home but for some reason I couldn't find him cause our supervisor kept separating us[ cant stand his Big Lazy Slow Ass.] Oh well But, its So Good to have something Gorgeous to look @ while Im @ work. I haven't had a Crush on anyone in so long it doesn't even feel right. lol. I feel like why? but Im also like :D Its only Healthy, Right?.... I think I'm going to slide him my number, btw

I say its like that age old question: How many Licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop...... Ya just never know dammit! So I figure why not try!

The Good thing is I get to work with "Fresh" today.....

I Just Hope I Don't Overheat :D

C R U S H

2009-05-18T10:59:00.011-04:00

[Your Probably Saying What??? No Music?]

So....

I Am So Crushing On one of my Co-Workers. He's new and He Is one of the Ca-Uuuuutest Things I Have Ever Seen. Especially For where I work where the Lack of Eye Candy is Ridiculous. I mean besides the new guy there is only one other fine guy there. The rest are.....

Anyways Back to The Sexy, we will begin from where i first laid eyes upon him. I was walking in to work one day about last week, and I saw him from a distance heading towards where we go to clock in and out. Well i was going to clock in so I had no choice but to follow him. Now at this point all I have seen of him was from the side from a distance and the back of him about 10-15 steps ahead of me and I had already concluded that he was cute. I knew from his walk and clothes [Nice Polo, Khakis, Red/Black Jordan's] that he definitely [and I think this word is so overused these days, but] Has Swagg. <[ UGH! DID I JUST TYPE THAT???] Then Of Course Im watching the back of him and I getting the best view ever. Light-skin, About My height 5 ft 7 or 5 ft 8. Thick. and He Has The nicest Ass! I Mean Its Nice! Nice Size, Firm, Round, Sitting High, Just Overall Excellent. A Nice Athletic Ass. And Not To Mention When ever he took a step His Shirt Was moving in the back! I LOVE when a guys shirt moves in the back. Its like Instant Notification that: Yes! Im working with a fatty over here. Its All For Your Viewing Pleasure!

This Is Me @The Sight Of The Shirt Moving.....

I Mean I Coulda Just Died! Just Died!

But anyways, i finally make it to the time clock and he's their with some Miscellaneous white boy who lightweight was blocking my view, and I was ready to slap a bitch because of it. So he clocks out and turns my way, Im Instantly like :D As THE HEAT Consumes Me. This dude is so my type he is So. Damn. Cute. I just walked pass checking him from every angle [and trust me he was cute from every angle possible] until he walked out the door. Luckily I was there alone because I definitely said out loud Damn Pa Is Fine! As Soon as he left I was already wondering what his name was, and when is the next time he worked. LOL.

More Later As I have Work To Do And I Dont Want Procrastination To Take Completely Over.....

Must See!

2009-05-14T17:52:00.012-04:00

This is one Film I Must See [besides Transformers & Harry Potter] This Year. Gotta See It. The trailer is just so damn Honest & Real!

Watch It And See What I Mean!

Click the Poster To View The Trailer, Since My blog always cutting stuff out of frame...SMH

Precious: Based on The Novel "Push" By Sapphire

Forgiveness

2009-05-11T12:49:00.006-04:00

Forgiveness....

Forgiving People is something I'm still learning to do, I guess. Yesterday I sat in church and the sermon was about learning to forgive. I have forgiven a lot of people in my life for all they put me through coming up And trust me I went through a lot of unnecessary things no one should have to go through, But for the most part I feel as if I have Let Go of a lot of things that were breaking my spirit. The problem is I feel as if theirs still some things that recur in my memories that I think about at times without even realizing I'm revisiting it in my head until I noticed my mouth moving. Yes! i caught my self talking to myself the other day about something that happened in the past. I was taken aback. I didn't even realize that I was replaying the situation. I immediately began to pray and ask God to Heal My Heart and allow to me to rid myself of things that I am allowing to linger and carry around within myself.

Yesterday, in church he said exactly what I needed to hear. A lot of what I already knew but it helped None the less. There is a lot I have gotten over from my past but I guess there is still some things I still haven't gotten over and some things I just haven't let my being release. I Guess all I can do is continue to Pray On It.... Nothing happens over night.

I'm A Work in Progress....

Closure | 1 Year

2009-05-07T11:14:00.008-04:00

@ the end of this month, I will have been single for a whole year. A Whole Year. I bring it up because I was just thinking yesterday about how far i've come, how strong I have become, How much I have matured, and how my outlook on relationships and what I want and look for in a guy have changed. Yesterday though, my Ex text me asking me about my myspace status. We then somehow got into a conversation about if either of us thought their could ever be an "Us" again. I already knew that answer on my end and I knew his also seeing as how he's in a relationship. We both mutually agreed No. Him because he's really enjoying his 16yr old Soul mate, and he's in love. I'm honestly happy for him. To Each His own. Me because I'm don't see any reason in going backwards in something that I don't feel will work beyond a friendship. We are way better friends than we were lovers, In my opinion. So it was cool to me that we both mutually agreed on it and there was no hard feelings on either end. Well not on my end anyway. I felt, even though we both had moved on ages ago, it gave us some type of closure in something that was still kind of an acute loose end.

Its been a year for me, and I'm honestly ready to date. I Say date because I dunno how I feel about a serious relationship right now. I'm honestly content being Single. Working on myself. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy the company, and conversation of a Sexy man, but I don't feel like being in a relationship.... Maybe a couple months down the road but right now... I'm Cool On It! And honestly before I can be in a relationship I need to tackle one last "Hurdle". That "Hurdle" being coming out to my father. That main point of my visit home was to talk to my mom about it. But if push comes to shove I know I have somewhere to go back to, even if Ohio isn't where I want to be. But, Once that is accomplished then and only then can I feel I can commit myself to someone worthy of my Time/Love/Heart openly and honestly. This last year has really been a eye opening one for me. I made a lot of mistakes, that I have learned from. But most importantly i learned a lot about myself. I was able to overcome and triumph over a lot, and that I am grateful for.

Now it just seems I have to climb over this wall and meet the person on the other side. Me. Waiting to greet, comfort, and pat myself on the back, breathing with relief.

One Word. Two Syllables.

2009-05-05T13:41:00.003-04:00

One Word. Two Syllables. Druh-Ama. 75% of it consumed My Trip...

Update Later, Just thinking about the mess is making me sick...

Not even sure if I want to write about it at this point...

Maybe... Maybe Not...

Before I Hit The Road....

2009-05-01T11:20:00.003-04:00

I Cant wait To leave..... Only just a few more hours Till we depart.....

As soon as I get out of this damn class I'm going home to pack and then go get a crispy ass haircut. Cant go home looking a damn mess!!

Everyone Enjoy Their Weekend! I Know I Will!!!!

Anyways, Enjoy these pics of John Legend's Shirtless Sexy Ass!!

SMH.... You Have No Idea What Id Do To Him....

My Heart |

2009-04-28T14:52:00.010-04:00

I wrote this the other day in a couple minutes on my blackberry... Very short, very simple. It just summed up what was going through my head at the moment. Enjoy.

My Heart Is So Open

And yet, Its Closed

The Love I Have No One Knows

I think a lot

Oh yes, Its true

I think a lot

A lot about you

Someone I haven't spoken to

Someone I haven't seen

Someone I May never know

Someone who is made for Me

The road is long

And I have just Refueled

I'm ready for the stops

The heat

The cool

I don't know where I stand

If I still believe or not

But like what I said is true

I think a lot

A lot

About you....

Dwayne Johnson

2009-04-27T11:53:00.001-04:00

No One is doing it for me like Dwayne Johnson......

Every time I see him I get what I call The Heat. THE HEAT always seems to happen to me when I see something so Amazingly, Perfectly, Scrumptiously, Appealing and its like my body gets surges of solar flares or something. All I know is the blood flows and I get ridiculously warm all over. Dwayne Johnson never fails to have this effect on Me. He just seems to always be looking better and better. I bought the GIANT Magazine with him on the cover :D This is one man if I ever got up under you would never see or hear from me again. Here's Some Photos I Love..... Enjoy!

Going To My Hometown...

2009-04-23T16:38:00.007-04:00

In about a week i'll be back in Ohio. I haven't been home in about 6 months and its hard to believe but I am honestly happy to be going home and visiting. I miss my family so much. I didn't realize it until its started getting closer and closer to the date where will hit the road and make the trip. I cant wait to see my family. There's no one like them and I cant wait to just sit and lunch with them. I cant wait to catch up with everyone and hear all the story's i know their going to tell. LOL I'm smiling just thinking about it. I really cant wait to see everyones face. It's so funny to me as much as I wanted to leave I cant wait to get back and kick back some drinks next weekend. The one person I cant wait to see is My Mom & Grandma.... I miss them both so much.... I really need to sit back and talk to them about things and my thoughts. I Miss Them Both dearly, even though I know when I get their we will probably drive each other nuts. I Cant wait to see My Little Sister either we have absolutely a lot to catch up on. A lot. I cant wait to see the human sky scrapers that are my Lil Brothers. I can only imagine how much taller they have gotten. Im the oldest and the smallest lol. Yeah Aint it a trip. LOL. Its crazy but i really cant wait to touch down. Things will probably be as if I never left.......

Hmmmmm............ Home.......... How I Cant Wait.........

There

2009-04-22T15:14:00.003-04:00

Much

Racing

Through

Head....

As Of Yet, I Don't Know How To Express It....

Lil Boys..... [2]

2009-04-10T13:04:00.025-04:00

I Tell ya every time I give someone a chance again they ruin it. I'm done with guys from my hometown, I'm sure of it. the guy who I was talking to who from back home I think I Refer to As T on here [if I didn't who really cares?] appeared out of nowhere again after disappearing for weeks. It seems like ill talk to this guy for a good 2 weeks and hell disappear for at least 3-4 wks and return with a new phone number and acting as if we just talked yesterday. I don't even like dude seriously. I'm only halfheartedly sexually attracted to him [aint that a shame]. Before he contacted me a couple days ago he was telling me how he hit up my ex on Myspace [they're old friends from high school who talked but their was no connection] and they exchanged numbers, and messaged each other etc. So he calls me up telling me how he talked to my ex and how he seen my ex's new boyfriend and how cute my ex was blah blah etc. Old shit I already know. He talks about my ex as if he's trying to get some kind of rise or start some kind of drama but seems taken aback when I tell him oh, OK. That's cool. Hes like you don't care if i talk to him. I'm like no. me and my ex are friends and we don't even talk on the phone like that he may text me like once every 2 months to see how I'm doing and that's the extent of the conversation. at this point T is seeming kind of salty. I mean I only told him I didn't care about my Ex how many times? Been There, Done That, Moved On. So the next day I talk to my Ex and I tell him about T. Hes like "oh he didn't tell me you guys talked or whatever.... that's why he was asking me stuff about you on Myspace and stuff," I'm like "yeah he told me talked to you on their. I told him "T's OK but I don't like him and theirs nothing more than a slight sexual attraction." He's like "I really don't see him as your type". I tell him "hes not honestly" he also told me T asked to hang with him and his new Bf and he told T No. We laugh and hang up. So what do ya know the next day T hits me up. We talk about nothing[as usual] and he asks me when the last time I talked to my Ex. I tell him annoyed last night and that I told him that we talked. He's like "Shocked" and then he's like "I didn't tell him we talked.... that's why he isn't answering any of my Texts or anything." At this point I'm thinking what is he trying to pull. Putting the math together I think hes trying to talk to both of us at the same time or what? I Dunno. Then he starts to laugh like maybe I shouldn't be talking to both the Exes at the same time. I Tell Him that I don't care who he talks to because I'm not dating either of them and I'm grown and can do what the hell I want when I want and so can he, and that him talking to my ex doesn't bother me in the least bit. I also told him im not feeling him like that. He's like don't act like you don't care about my Ex blah blah blah. I tell him whatever I don't know what he's on but I'll talk to him later because he talks about nothing!!!! And to be quite frank I don't have time for someone trying to start drama.

So anyways he hits me up like 3 days ago and I tell him ill call him back since I was truly busy at the moment. I didn't call him back. The next day after i lay down at someone blows my phone up 4 times while I'm sleep. NOW AGAIN! Everybody knows when I'm sleep! I'M SLEEP!. Aint no coming back. Especially to answer the phone for someone I don't really like. I can see if it was someone I like but no it wasn't so I let it ring and rolled over. No Pillow talk Tonight! Sorry For ya! I mean we wasn't gonna talk about shit anyway. conversation with this guy is Mundane, tired, and boring as hell. All he wants to do is talk about sex. That's it. talking about sex and exchanging pictures gets so boring after a while. At this point I'm so damn annoyed! So Thursday night he calls and we talk for about a half hour. He gonna tell me I be on Bullshit cause I like to play phone tag. Excuse me? I dont call you, you call me. So what the hell are you talking about. I'm Annoyed. Conversation commences and The whole time I'm sleepy as hell, bored as hell, wondering why I'm wasting my time and ready to get off the phone. I told him I was coming home the first of May and someone auto assumed they were getting some of this. Um..... NO! N.O. I mean he still at this point thinks hes gonna get the chance to poke at this. Naw sorry. After ignoring his relentless banter about what he THINKS hes gonna do to my "cheeks" <-[His words, Tomfoolery @ its best!] he switches the conversation from sex to ...... For A Thousand Alex....... SEX! UGH!!!!!!

Sidenote:
[This is what my eyes looks like in the direction of the phone at this point....]
[BTW, This Child is sending someone Some serious Heat! Cyclops Style!]

I'm sorry I enjoy sex just as much if not More than the next man, I Have a very high sex drive, I'm a big freak and I love getting it BUT that don't mean I wanna talk about it ALL day. Theres more to me than that. I told myself after breaking up with my ex that I would try to get to know guys I talked to before jumping into all that sex talk. Because quite frank I want the guy to get to know me. I wanna take things slow and know you. Not just fuck you. lmao. At first I was interested but as you can see I'm clearly not. Someone as of yesterday is getting cut off. I Will no longer be answering his calls or texts. I'm just plain annoyed. I'm Done.

This Blackerdry Deserves A Rating...

Number of Sad/Psycho Ass Que[Of Day26] Face's [Out Of 5]

He Gets 4: For Being a Repeat Offender / Paper Gangsta

Dream Variations | Langston Hughes

2009-04-10T11:37:00.003-04:00

Dream Variations
By Langston Hughes

To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance
Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
Dark like me--
That is my dream!

To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance! Whirl! Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening . . .
A tall, slim tree . . .
Night coming tenderly
Black like me.

Self | Improvement

2009-04-01T17:03:00.003-04:00

I believe its time for me to start making the necessary changes that I have been thinking about for the last month. I have been in such a Positive state of mind the past couple weeks. I have been thinking Positive and dwelling on positive things. I have been feeling Wonderful. So today I think is going to mark the start of me continuing this Positive state of mind. I'm mentally almost there now I want to be physically there. I want to improve in all areas of my life. Its time I start Believing and doing what I know I Am Capable of. Its time to take advantage of the things I have and get out there and Make It. Not for anyone else but myself. Its Time For Me To Make my own way. Its time for me to become the Go Getter I used to be. Its Time for me to Make It with no excuses. Its Time To Take Charge. I know there will be hurdles ill have to Jump and walls I have to Climb but I feel as if I'm ready to do it. Its Just Time.... I Feel It.

ITS TIME!

Lady GaGa | The Fame

2009-03-31T11:30:00.004-04:00

I Just Cant Put This One Down. After Hearing It On Myspace I Went And Spent $11.98 [Probably the most I ever spent on a CD] And synched it to my Zune...... She's totally knocked everyone off my playlist even Janelle Monae who I have been listening to for months on end. I listen to this CD front to back. I Really needed some Up tempo joints in my life. I Love Lady GaGa. [Oh Yeah Kudos to myspace for letting you preview entire CD's these days.]

Who Knew Michael Jackson & T-Pain Were Shooting A Video?

2009-03-30T10:52:00.005-04:00

This Woman Is So Unhappy With Her self...... Who Does this to their self. I mean C'mon Who didn't think her Last 2 noses were clearly better????

:10 - :13

:27 - :36

Especially :31 - :33 < Him/Letoya And This Picture All Came to mind in the form of flashbacks.....

I Mean I swore Michael said he was retiring, now he is living Vicariously through Lil Kim's Nose........ Its Sad........ She Clearly Isn't happy with her self. And Her Face Is Just Getting More & More Homely/Unfortunate....... And to be Quite frank who wants to hear a New Lil' Kim Song?

Lets All Pray For This Child........

Thoughts On Love....

2009-03-24T10:51:00.008-04:00

Image Courtesy Of Corbis

Me & My Partner In Crime /Right Hand Woman / Ace Boom Boom / Sister From Another Mother, Best friend Etc. Had a conversation the other day where I proclaimed I don't think I ran into my First Love.... She replied that I was in denial and that my 1st boyfriend was my first love....

Honestly that is something I used to think. But...... now after a year has passed and I have matured just a Lil more, grown up, have gotten past that Situation <-[ I Mean C'mon I refer to it as a Situation 95% of the time] without being bitter, and taken the time to really reflect on what it really was I feel as if I was the only one who was in love the whole time. Thinking back on things I used to ask him and his responses its clear now more than ever that I was the only 1 in Love in that situation..... He never once told me he was in love with me....

So I Say I dont think it was my first love because in order for it to be my first love wouldnt those feelings have to be Mutual in order for their to be love in the relationship? I feel as if it was "First" And their was no "Love". Or It Was " L-O..... and the V-E just never quite matched up. I feel as if it was only 50% the whole time......

She says it doesnt matter it still qualifies as First Love.......

I Think I stil havent run into that Person......

What Are your Opinions On This Matter.

Answers

2009-03-19T10:14:00.011-04:00

Thanks To everyone who stopped by and left a question.... it was nice to know that you guys wanted to know about me and now I feel as if I want to share more... The questions were interesting to say the least.

Anyways Here is the Results.......

»WhozHe:

1.Describe the type of guy you would be interested in.
WOW!!! This is a good question. I One I really don't know the answer too but... After some thought The type of guy I would be interested in is someone whose mature, honest, outspoken, funny, goal-oriented, ambitious, trustworthy, confident, and knows or has an idea of what he wants to do with his life. Someone who wants more out of life than the average males I know and seem to encounter. Of course I would like him to be attractive and take care of himself. Race wouldn't matter but I love me some Black & Spanish men. Lol. But at the end of the day I want someone whose gonna love me for me.......... That was just what I could think of @ the moment.... Oh yeah thanks for stopping by.

»Fuzzy:

1. What state are you from?
Ohio (ugh! I dread even telling people that!)

2. Name one thing you always wanted to do but consequence prevented you from doing so?
Prolly Rob A Bank! Snipe Someone! Oh!!! Smack Lil Mama For All them damn outfit choices.... Id prolly be oversexed if their was no HIV/STD's........ Hmmm theirs others but i don't wanna delve to to deep lol.

3. Is there anything that you can't forgive?
Any wrong doing against children. I hate when Children are victims in a world where they cant fend for themselves....

4. Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging to release all the pent up thoughts that are constantly materializing in my head. This blog is truly a release. When I go private ill share even more including pics.

5. What makes you happy?
Sadly I feel as if I don't know true Happiness. All my life I've simply just known how to adapt and be content. I'm on a journey to do what I need to do now to make myself happy. I hope I reach it. I seem to be in the best of moods when chillin' with my Family/Friends.....

6. Name 3 of the most MAJOR things that would piss you off/aggrivate the hell outta you?
1. LIARS! Mainly people who say one thing and do another 2. People who can take responsibility for their actions. Cant man up and say I did it. Its my fault etc..... 3. Childish Ass Adults ..... oh yeah Did I Mention Liars!!!!

»RocaFella07:

1. Do you have myspace?...Link?
Yes I do have MySpace. I'm honestly thinking about deleting it tho..... Havent Logged on in a while. I needed a break from the lil ass kids back home..... As for the Link ill Email that to you.

2. Do you use LGBT online dating sites?
Never Used one of those sites. I do browse occasionally but I've never signed up for one..... I dunno why tho. I guess im not into random sex with all the stuff floating around these days..... sometimes I wonder if im too careful..better safe than sorry...... Am I missing out???? Lol.

»Memphiz:

1.Where do you (or want to) see yourself in 5 years?
I hope in 5 years I'm thriving in a career I enjoy doing. In a relationship with someone I care deeply for, and living in or planning on purchasing my own home. Out and proud. Living in FL, NY, CA. Traveling the world. Enjoying Life with friends & family. Stacking Dinero $.

2.What is one thing you can't live without?
Family. I wouldn't be who I am without them. I love my crazy ass family.

3.What is your favorite comic?
I'm more into Anime/Manga. But I love X-Men, Transformers, Naruto, Samurai Champloo, Akira to name just a few..... Trust the list is long!!!!

4.What are some of your hobbies?
Reading. Drawing. Sex. Making Money. Shopping. Working out. Kicking it with friends. Eating out. Doing anything relating to Art & Design.

5.If you can live anywhere what place would you pick?
Miami, FL or Brazil or Tokyo, Japan or NYC. I hope to live in FL or NYC one day. I plan on visiting Brazil & Tokyo before I take my last breath.

6.Do you want kids?
I want kids. I want no more than 2 boys. I've always seen myself with 2 boys. I guess ill be a gay daddy some day lol. Hopefully.

7.Do you think a woman could snap you straight?
You know I'm not sure anythings possible! Even though I have no desire for women I want to have sex with one before I die. I dunno. I love men but Like I said anythings possible.

8.Thong or G-string? LMAO!
I've never worn a G-string or thong. I hear their quite comfortable tho. I do like those tight little briefs tho. They fit my ass real nice! I do love men in thongs, G-strings and not to mention Jock straps tho. I'll try all 3 some day......I think their all sexy....

9.What are some of your goals?
Some of goals are to one day have a certain amount of money in the bank by the time I'm 40yrs Young. Own a Web business. Own Atleast 2 homes & 2 cars. Have a family. Most importantly Know what it feels like to truly be happy, satisfied and loving myself and my Family. Also be closer to god and be in good health.

10.What would your advice be for someone who is sexually frustrated?
If you Have a boo Tell your partner exactly what you want! Even if your a novice think about what you might enjoy and go for it! Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for both parties....Take chances and don't be scared! I tell em exactly how I want it! And 98% of the time they ask before I have to tell them! And when all else fails Masturbate! Its natural and you'll get to know your body. And Always Wear Protection!!!!

Go Ahead....... Ask!

2009-03-11T13:33:00.009-04:00

I was thinking I have never done a post like this before......
And I think it could be interesting.......

So I'm gonna let anyone who reads or just happens to stop by to Ask Me Anything their little heart desires. Which in turn I'll try to answer As Truthfully and Honestly as I can in a another post.

Go Ahead....... Ask!

[BTW, I just realized that this is my 101st Post. Hooray For Me! Lol. ]

Random Thinking......

2009-03-06T13:27:00.001-05:00

Image Courtesy Of Corbis

It honestly feels good to wake up and have nothing on my agenda. To wake up when I want too and just laze around for a bit before doing anything....

Too bad it will all end next Wednesday due to another quarter beginning.

My Income tax should be here next week. and all of that money will be going to either getting this beater sitting in the driveway fixed or something new...... I'm hoping for something new..... Either way I gotta have something by the end of this month because My Dad & Step Mom are taking a trip to Louisiana For a wedding for 4 days and I need to be able to get to school & work.

The gentlemen Ive been talking to is stepping his game up..... Sadly I still don't feel anything besides a Sexual attraction....... Can tell he likes to be the dominant one in a relationship and sadly the more I let him know that I don't bend or break for no one the more he seems to be attracted..... I don't get it......

It Honestly feels good to not feel attached to someone. It feels good to feel free of strong emotion for someone.... I guess what I'm saying is it feels good to be single, perhaps?

It seems as if everyone I know headed to Florida or ATL for spring break...... My Spring break isn't anywhere near yet but I know I wont be spending it in either of those places...... Maybe next year........

I'm Proud, Happy, & Very Blessed to have a best friend. A Best friend who cares, listens, and talks to me about everything under the Sun....... If I didn't have her in my life I cant even begin to Imagine the type of person I would be or where I would be right now..... I am very Thankful to have Her...... She Is Truly My One True Friend....... Sometimes I hate to say friend because shes more like my Sister...... I Love Her to Death.....

Quick Recap

2009-03-04T11:20:00.009-05:00

This Past week I have just been enjoying my week off from school. Just Relaxing and enjoying not having to week up early....Sleeping In..... How I love sleeping In....

My week so far has been OK.

Sunday: I went to church and the sermon was really good. I really got the message and I swore he was talkin' to me....

Especially When he said @ the end that he could feel there was someone who was a little confused and their at a stand still about joining the church. Don't be Afraid. Don't let the devil syke you out.... Upon those words i felt an immense swelling in my chest. I really felt as if he was talking directly to me..... [Especially since a few weeks ago I was supposed to join and ended up missing church last week.] Upon him saying that my dad and step mom both look at me and say what you waiting for?.... I was at a loss for words......

Monday: Was Just a straight chill day. My family except for my dad stayed home due to the Mere 5-6 inches of snow they got. It seems they shut everything down here if there is a chance of a light frost. I Can remember trekking to and from school in Feet of snow In Ohio. I Tell Ya.....
Monday Night I received some pictures From The guy Ive been talking too. After last week deciding to shut him completely down the pictures gave him some hope.... Wow was all i could say as each one was better than the last...His body is right..... I Must Say.... LMAO.. I feel as if i don't like him but hes definitely someone I could have sexual relations with when Im Visiting in OH..... Hey theirs nothing wrong with Sexual Relations As long as you safe about it..... [LMAO @ Sexual Relations] Anyways he made his way back on my good side..... For Now...... He's a cool dude but his conversation sucks..... I cant see it going anywhere besides the Casual Dickdown.....

Tuesday: Relaxed @ home with the little brothers until I went to work @ 4 Which also was slow and calming.... I Hope tonight is the same.....

On A Sidenote:

[Just Me, My Dignity, And This Guitar Case.... Wo----ah!] <- Love That Part....... My week has been an uneventful one lol. Im gave up Myspace for this month...... Im so damn tired of it. I think im going to delete the shit.... I barely use it and im tired of reading the same ol shit from people Back home[in Ohio] rambling about little kid shit... I'll see how I feel in a month. Ive been trying to get my CD Collection back to its former glory. Buying CD's here and there On TPC[Temporary Price Cut] from work. Most recently I had to get Amy Winehouse - Back To Black Back in my grasp.... I Love that CD and I definitely needed it seeing as how I been feeling lately....[I Also Got Janelle Monae - Metropolis: The Chase Suite..... I Love this girls sound I Cant wait for a full length.... Check Her Out...] My Music is my therapy and that CD always helped..... I Dunno My emotions are becoming stable but still I feel little Twinges here and their in my heart..... I Dunno whats going on with me...... All I can say is im going to enjoy these days I have to myself alone.....

[EDIT: After Showering I Realize That I Need Sto Start Focusing On Whats Going on Now. And Leave The past Behind Me. Like The Preacher Said: Your History Doesnt Determine Your Destiny.....]

Lil Boys.....

2009-02-25T10:34:00.010-05:00

Them Hustlers Keep On Talkin......

The guy who Ive been talking to lately is kinda boring me. All He seems to want to talk about is sex. I swear when we first started talking the conversations were so much better And I Thought he was more mature but now lately all it is is SEX! SEX! SEX! S.E.X.! All he wants to do is exchange pictures when not talking about sex and before I can even get a Hello in after he answers He's asking me where my pic at? Now I aint gonna lie I Sent Him 1 [An old one I Sent my Ex A While Ago... So its Nothing Special.] But thats all you get from me. He's Sent Me like I Dont know how many already including Ass shots, Dick Shots, And other numerous poses of his body. I mean I dont mind him sending me pictures but I dont do all that modeling without recieving a check/major contract at the end of the shoot, A Spread In Seventeen Magazine, and Tyra critiquing it While batting her fake eye lashes. It really annoyed me to no end. Then I made the mistake of telling him I upgraded the OS on my Blackberry so that I could record video... Big Mistake...... Someone started assuming they were recieving a video... Puh-leeze Negro. You cant even get a picture so why do you think you getting a Video? I guess I made him mad cuz someone didnt contact me for a couple days... then last night as im watching videos on my Zune I get a call From Him. I wasnt in the mood to be bothered so I just let it ring..... then what do I recieve? A picture captioned with: Wake Up! As if im supposed to get excited and jump out my sleep. LAME!!!! Puh-Leeze! The dick better be in the same room for all of that and you aint that cute Anyway! Shit Everybody Knows I like my Sleep.

Oh Yeah My Ex texted me at work talking bout He's mad I moved and he misses holding and cuddling with me. Then tells me he Hates Me only to text me 20min later saying to ignore the last text and that He was "Sorry" <- Tell me something I dont know... I Didnt even respond. It makes no sense to me and I really didnt get the whole thing. Besides you have a BF so why are you texting me stuff like that????

Lil Boys........

Why Cant I Find A Man??

[[ P.S. I Feel So much better than I did yesterday.... I Think way too much sometimes. I feel like im having the mood swings of a pregnant woman.... ]]

?

2009-02-24T11:03:00.006-05:00

I cried for the first time in a long time Last Night.......

It was something I needed......

I feel so Melancholy now........

I Pray and ask Him.....

Where Am I Headed?

Please Show Me The Way.....

Lose One, Gain Another

2009-02-18T11:01:00.004-05:00

Me emotions have been a wreck lately..... 1 minute im up the other minute im down again. One Minute im as high as the sky itself the other minute im 50 below sea level. Its crazy for me right now. It seems as if I just cant find common ground within myself on what why and how I feel a certain way on a day to day basis. On top of my emotional drama and feeling oh so lost I have Tons Of Makeup Work All Due THIS WEEK! Some of which I should be doing right NOW!!!

Procrastination Is being such a friend to me but right after this post im right in the books.

Then On top of all the other ruckus. I finally feel as if im completely over my Ex. I mean finally. After seeing a picture of him and his current boo on myspace together. I felt nothing as the words "They look cute together" slipped from my lips. And it wasnt a lie they do look cute together, and it bothered me not One bit as I told him later on. I also told him "he looks really happy and I'm happy for him and I hope it works". He said "Looks Can Be Deceiving" Im Like "Yeah well you guys look really happy." I think me saying that let him know that things between us are definitely on a strict friend level. Something I already knew that but Iwasnt sure about him. He didnt sound too happy but I mean were still friends and I definitely want him to find someone he can be happy with. So it definitely wasnt a big deal to me. I think seeing that picture was definitely a test, a test I believe I passed with flying colors. And it just reassured myself what im Focused on these days, and where my heart is. :) I Dont even have to say It. Because I Know It.

Upon the release of that old flame, the guy [ Well Call him T ]I was talking to about maybe a month ago Has Reaapeared. After what he claims his "money being funny" and his phone being turned off for almost a month it seems and someone quitting their job someone beat my phone in monday night trying to give me their new number. I'm not attached to him at all for starters so it wasnt a big deal when he called. I was more wondering why when I get rid of one another tries to creep in??? I'm honestly perfectly content with being single. And for some reason I think this guy seems to be all about Sex. I'm definitely not tryna pursue something with him because for starters hes like 2.5 states away and I dont do long distance relationships. [I need you near Pa. You cant embrace me from miles away Im sorry.] At this stage im definitely just feeling him out and seeing what his intentions are. He's sexually attractive but im not laying down with just anyone. I know how to get a Niggas Dick hard and its nothing to me to do it on the phone or in the same room, But that dont mean im gonna let you Poke at me.... Nah not at all. I know for sure he definitely wants to hook up when I visit OH but like I said he needs to be felt out....

I Could use a good Dickem Down Session Tho.......

I Decided to join the church sunday....... I feeling so lost in life lately I definitely need HIM right now. I need some spiritual growth. Nothing else can guide me to where I need to go.

Reflection

2009-02-10T13:57:00.001-05:00

I think I need to take a break from everything & everyone..... Just sit and reflect on my past and where I want to go. I need to sit and think and develop a clear idea of what I'm pursuing in my life. What I need to do to make myself truly happy. I need to truly Refocus. I feel like I need to start looking inward. Start finding out who I Am And what I want.

Start improving physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Its time to find Me.

Horoscope: 02/06/09

2009-02-07T09:46:00.004-05:00

About 20 minutes after Telling my best friend I wish I could go back in time and change the past, Start over and do things the way I wanted too..... I Read my horoscope and this is what it said.

Capricorn

Today you need to put the past behind you. Accept what it was and try to learn from it. There is no way to change it, so you need to settle in and be comfortable with it. What you did (or didn't do) will fade as time progresses, so you need to look ahead and focus on the future. Your patience is strong and it will get you through the rough parts. The people who love you will offer you great distractions too, so meet up with your friends. Remind yourself of all the bright things ahead.

I Hate to say it but its On Point. Upon sitting and dwelling on what it said my mood seemed to lighten yesterday and I started doing some research on how to follow my Dreams.....

More to Come...

Let Go |

2009-02-05T11:42:00.006-05:00

I had a Moment of Clarity.

Its time to Let Go....

Let Go of someone whose opinion I still value.

Someone whose embrace I still love.

Someone whose words I take to heart.

Someone who I still allow to have power over me.....

Someone who even though I love the idea of them being the ONE.... I know it wont probably ever happen.

It all needs to stop.

I need to heal.

Its Time To Let Go.

Its time to let go and give my heart the time and space it needs to repair.

I was in the beginning stages of this process about a month ago and Then you came.......

I need a healthy medium.

Some kind of line that is drawn to differentiate where friends begins and love ends.

Some kind of middle ground.

The stress is killing me......

My heart wont stop palpitating and breath is taken away frequently.... Not in a good way either.....

Procrastination has taken over and I need it to subside......

We all know the story, and Ive fallen for it again....

Every time.........

It's partially my fault......

I see the good in you.....

I believe you....

My Foolish Heart believing your Lies.....

The Trust Isn't there......

The Respect isn't there

The Love Isn't mutual.....

The importance of Us, Our Past, What we had isn't the same for you as it has been for me....

You Will Never See

You Will Never Change......

Copyright © 2009 LD

Jazmine Sullivan - 5 Grammy Nominations

2009-02-05T10:36:00.000-05:00

I Love Jazmine Sullivan To Death. She's Up For 5 Grammy Nominations Including

I Hope She Takes Them All! Especially Best New Artist Since You Can Only Get That Once! She's So Slept On! [But It Cant Help That her Record Company Cant Give My Girl A Decent Video. She Hasnt Had A Decent Video Since "Need U Bad". And They Wonder Why Her Sales Are Standing Still. "Bust Your Windows" Was A Complete Mess And "Lions, Tigers & Bears" One Of My Favorite Songs From The Album Is Horrible And looks Low Budget. And To Top It off it Was Done By Video Director Syndrome Who Can hook Everybody Else Damn Visuals Up! Why Not Jazmine?!?!?! Huh!?!?!?]

But Anyway Enough Of My Rambling. I Wish Her The Best And Hopefully Next Single & Album She Can have Quality Visuals!

2009 Grammy Posters

2009-01-30T12:27:00.007-05:00

In Honor Of The 2009 Grammys They've Released These Posters Featuring Artists Portraits Formed By their Favorite Songs That Have Influenced Them. These Are All The Ones Ive Seen So Far. Click For A Better View

Erased

2009-01-29T14:59:00.003-05:00

Tuesday - January 27, 2009

I wake up To Snow ..... The Weather I Hate The Most. I Was born in Winter And From one of the most snowed on places in the united states. OK I'm sure theirs places that get worse snow than Oh But dammit I Hate SNOW!!!! Hate It! Hate It! Hate It! Upon The snow intruding on my life after telling my Lil brother 3 damn times to put my Zune down, After taking it away from him and turning it off upon turning my back for a good 30 seconds the lil hard headed brat has turned it back on and erased all of my data. 30 Pictures 5 games And Almost 1100+ songs Gone. A Years worth of collecting gone in 30 seconds because someone can understand the Concept Of N.O.

NO! DAMMIT! NO!

NO

NO

NO

NO

N. FUCKING O.

Dammit is it that damn hard!!!!!

My once immense collection of my favorite songs has been reduced to:

Jay-Z's - The Blueprint / The Blueprint 2 / American Gangster
Jazmine Sullivan - Fearless
Keyshia Cole - A Diffrent Me
Kanye West - 808's & Heartbreak

A Years Worth Of Collecting Some Music Artists whole Library of Cd's.... I've been reduced to cinders. With no Choice But to start over from scratch and hope that I can one day reclaim everything..... [I Doubt it]. I Only have what I got now because I had Jazmine And Jay-Z Saved on My Flash Drive And Kanye & Keyshia The Actual CD's...... Music is my therapy and now I have no therapy.......

Ugh........

I Cant Win.

Just Thinking About it Is Making Me Crave a blunt or a drink......

2 Damn bad I Dont Smoke Anymore....... & I Dont get paid till tomarrow.

Thanks Snow....

Just Fucking Thanks.....

Random

2009-01-23T12:36:00.004-05:00

[RANDOM]

I Absolutely Hate Asking people for favors.... Especially having to go out of my way to ask someone I really don't even talk to and dont even know. The positions I'm put in....Disgust..... SMH.

*

I have so much work to catch up on....... Yet here I Am...... On Blogger..............

*

Yesterday At the mall all I saw were Couples. Couples holding hands, smiling, happy. It put me in such a bad Mood. Especially after having to go out of my way earlier. Ugh.........

*

Last Night I had the weirdest dream..... The thing I remember vividly was Being at my great grandmothers house in OH on her porch and their was a Vulture on the sidewalk. As I realized what it was I transitioned into my Aunts room back in Ohio on her bed next to the window I used to always sit on. As I turned my head towards the door there were 3 Vultures. One was laying on the bed wrapped in the cover, the other by the door, and another on the wall farthest from me. The weird thing is that they all appeared to be either sleep or dead. I panicked thinking they would attack me and started opening up the window to jump out but as I looked out the window I realized how far up I was and came to a halt. one of the Vultures started to stir as if it was waking but then again I couldn't really tell. I sat on the bed wondering how to escape and I looked back and forth weighing my options climb out the window onto the roof and try to climb down or risk going through the door.

Then I woke up.

It was the weirdest dream I've ever had and one i just quite don't understand. Ive always been one to believe your dreams have meaning. But I'm at a complete Loss. The thing I keep thinking about is the Vultures and what they symbolize????? I guess ill have to Google and do some research......

[/RANDOM]

NEWS

2009-01-16T12:38:00.011-05:00

Tomorrow January 17th is my Birthday. I'll be a Sexy Ass 22. This is the first time not having a birthday in Ohio and I'm kinda actually excited to be spending it with my family since I never have. I'm so blessed to have made it this far being that alot of people i grew up with died in highs chool and aint make it this far. Thank You GOD!

Hmmmmmmmm....................
Going to see Notorious Tonight...... I Have some high expectations for this movie being a Biggie fan so I'm hoping its worth my pops money lol. Yesterday we started early and drank some Crown Royal. I was buzzin lol. There's still about half the bottle left tho lol. Tomarrow after school [Yeah i have school on my birthday....Ugh!] Im going to my lil brothers soccer game and then im heading out to try sushi for the first time. Ive always wanted to try it since I was a kid so im excited to be tasting something new. I love trying diffrent foods. I hope I enjoy it.

I have the Best Best friend there is...... No one else can compare. Someone got me the new Keyshia & Kanye for my birthday.... No More streaming for me lmao. Love Ya Buddy!

On to other news......

I find it so funny how much an impact a picture can make......

I put some new ones up on Myspace and I been getting hit up left and right from people I knew back home for years Girls I used to talk to and guys who are gay or bi who have all suddenly take an interest in the Kid lol. :) Its so funny everyone's like you look so Mature you look like a Man...... WTH did I look like before? lol. My Ex even left a pic comment and later on when I told him about all the attention I was getting he blew up on me and even threatened to kick a couple peoples ass if they talked to me lol. COMEDY! Everyones leaving messages talking about why I aint never holla and they wish I was back home.... lmao.. Its funny to me..... Theres only one im really talking too and actually taking a liking too. His Body is soooooo Right and hes just a big as Freak as I am [Finally a guy who can match me in that department], and we get along really good. He has a sexy Phone voice lol. He's actually my dad's wife's nephew and someone I went to high school with and have known since we were like 11 or 12. lol. We have been talking for about a good 4 days and the conversation is good and he makes me laugh lol. We have alot of common interests. I dont know where its going but im enjoying the attention and the conversation..... It has the potential to go somewhere.... He's diffrent from other niggas back home. He's actually focused and trying to go places. And that Attracts me. He seems like a Go-Getter like myself.... And he knows that Ohio aint the place for him.... He wants to get out... hmmmm I dunno..... Like i said it has potential but were Just Friends talking at this point, its definitely nothing serious. If anything ill know i'll get some good Sex when I go home..... lol..... But anyways I'm enjoying being single and the prospects of dating around.... It's New......

I'll Keep you Updated.

I LOVE THIS - Durex Commercial

2009-01-16T00:00:00.002-05:00

Starting Over.

2009-01-12T12:49:00.005-05:00

Lately I have been thinking of starting a new blog. This blog has always been a journal of sorts but lately Ive been thinking I want to start a new blog with my other account as my Private Personal Journal where i can express myself with no limitations...... The problem is when I start that one will I want to bother keeping up with this one....... What will I have to write on here that I havent already written on the other. Maybe im just bored with blogger as of late..... I Dunno. I know im definitely starting a new blog i guess the question is will i shut this one down or what will i do with it????

JD from the New Real World Brooklyn is So damn fine. Wow. & To Top It Off Hes Gay!!!!!!

Wow!!!! MTV actually gave us a FINE One This Time. I watched the epi and he is my type to the T... And He Latino My Favorite Flavor!!!

I Think I'm In Love With My Radio!

2009-01-10T11:02:00.040-05:00

A Collage of some of my favorite albums From Past To Present. I love Music. It definitely plays an important role in my life and it always seems to help me through everything I seem to go through.....

There are definitely many Albums missing which ill add at a later date.....

[In No particular Order]

When It All Falls Down

2009-01-04T00:16:00.003-05:00

Friday, Dec 2, 2009. A day in infamy.

As I awoke that morning and left my house at about 9 or so with my brothers,sister and stepmother to go job hunting till about 3:30 that afternoon I had no idea what was in store for me that night.....

At about 9:45pm an argument erupted. My 9 year old twin brothers and my 5 year old sister got into an argument with my 19yr old stepbrother about what to watch on tv... [I sometimes think that he forgets their 9 and he's 19]. He insisted on watching [drumroll please.....] Real Chance of Love! [Yknow those
I love New York rejects] when he knows these kids are not allowed to watch this foolish blackerdry. The argument erupts when we get done watching the rerun of the 2008 BET awards[bore....] And he turns to VH1 the home of washed up reality shows and they wanted to watch Transformers[with sexy white boy Shia Lebeouf....Hello!!]. They start screaming at him and him at them about what to watch. Their mother comes down and demands to know what's going on? They tell their side of the story and he his and she tells him like he already didn't know that they're not allowed to watch that type of stuff. He can watch it when their sleep or not home. He still doesn't turn and the kids turn the cable box off. He with the remote turns it back on. They go back and forth for a solid 60 seconds turning it on and off until his mom screams"stop playing with the tv." He still doesn't turn from the show. My dad in his office upon hearing the argument comes from his office to the living room snatches the remote and turns the tv off. And says "now nobodys watching nothing." The youngest twin says "thanks for ruining it for us M [that's what well call him]." M gets up and says "so what we can do that too" and heads to grab the kitchen phone and says you "crybaby niggas!" At this point I knew some drama was going to pop off for 2 reasons.

1. They had already had numerous talks about him arguing with the children like he is their age, calling them names, and watching what he says around them cause their impressionable [and the oldest twin looks up to us his 2 older brothers.] And he has a dirty mouth and is always cussing and using words like nigga in front of them and these kids are growing up in a rich suburb neighborhood-go to church every sunday household and knows nothing about what he be saying... They asked my dad why does he talk like that and use crazy words....'nuff said
2. I heard my dad's footsteps stop in their tracks at the word "nigga" at the end of the sentence...... It was about to go down.

My dad says "what you say?" M says "you heard me!" And turns into the dining room phone in hand. Cussing and talking shit to my dad as my dad comes up behind him and his wife behind him. They head into the hallway by the front door and my dad slaps the phone out his hand and tells him to "respect me and my house and watch your damn mouth!". Before my dad could finish his sentence M jumps back and takes a swing. At this point I'm shocked. No he didn't. I see my dad run after him and the next thing I know glass is breaking and I hear someone hit a wall[I was later informed M got thrown up against the wall]. As I am still sitting with my sister on my lap I look at my 3 younger siblings and they're all looking excited yet confused and are all looking at each other as they hear the thundering commotion 2 rooms away. I get up I tell them "stay here don't move." As I run into the hallway theirs broken bulbs from the christmas tree on the floor and his wife is opening the door and she's saying "stop them they tearing up my house.... [My goverment name]they tearing up my house. Yall take it outside!" As I look I see them on the floor M on the bottom my dad holding him down in some kind of wrestling move. All I could say was "oh my god oh my god" as I stood in shock as this was the first time I watched a fight and knew not what to do. I grab my dad and tell him "stop.... Yall stop".... He says "get off me!" I let his arm go it wasn't like I was really getting him off the boy anyway. My dad finally let him go and they stood up and starting squaring up for another round. I jumped in the middle and told them to stop the kids are in here and it seemed to calm them down. M walked away talkin shit and my dad hit him again which M proclaimed was a punk ass hit. Him mom then told him to get his stuff and go he had to leave her house. He got his stuff and upon leaving started talkin shit from upstairs about how he won the fight. After calming my dad down the boy left.... Only to return a couple hours later trying to kick the doors and windows in trying to bait my dad outside. The alarm went off and 3 police came and told him to walk or he would be arrested. After the police left he returned to play with the doorbell for about an hour. Then finally he went to a family friends down the street.....

The next day he was bought a bus ticket that our family friend picked up and took him to the bus station. They said he looked depressed as they dropped him off and the whole thing was sad.

Today it hit me while sitting in church. I felt bad for him in a way and wondered how he must feel and what he was thinking and going to do now. They boy has a warrant in ohio. It hit his mom also who cried today and talked to the pastor and his wife. She hasn't been herself since the whole thing and has been sleep ever since we came home from church. I know my dads prolly done with him and I think she's finally tired of feeling the slap in the face from trying to help her son all these years and he doesn't take the help. I have mixed emotions about it but I'm staying focused on what I gotta do....

I just hope he one day finds his way.....

Psalm 144:1-2

2009-01-01T20:41:00.001-05:00

1 Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:
2 my goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.

Accomplishments

2008-12-24T12:40:00.001-05:00

I finished my first year of school......... This time next year ill have graduated and with gods good graces have a job lined up or be already working in my career field.

I finally made it out of ohio.......THANK GOD!!!!! I'm now a resident of VA and I'm liking my stay so far. I had to get away from the blackerdry. I hope to never have OH in my address again.

I QUIT smoking weed..... Good times lol. I'm done doing that, it was bettering me in no way and was affecting my life negatively...... I hope to never smoke again!

I finally realized that sometimes love just isn't meant to be even if the 2 people love each other. As madea says some people are meant to be for just a season..... I'm hoping to run into one that's around for a lifetime........

I met a lot of good people this year. A lot of friends that I hope to have forever. Even after coming out.

This year I came out to my sister. It was somehow very easy to do this.I knew it wouldn't change anything either way. My little sister loves me.

I'm taking the necessary steps to build a relationship with my father and his side of my family. It took along time for me to get over things but I did. And now I'm trying to make the best of the time we have left.

For '09 I hope to•

-Get my car up and running!
-Graduate with my associates in CNS.
-Secure a job in my career field.....hopefully network security.
-Hopefully move into my own apartment and stand on my own 2 feet!
-After moving out find the strength to come out..... The biggest hurdle it seems....
-Continue working out! Tryna get my booty and my body right lol!!!! Get get get it right!!!!
Have more fun than I did in '08 and just live a happier healthier me.

IM READY

2008-12-21T21:07:00.001-05:00

It took me forever to get over him. It took forever for my heart to heal..... My foolish heart. I finally got over my first love, my first boyfriend. I went from wanting to bust his windows to being able to talk to him and not feel anything when I heard his voice on the other end of the phone. It was weird not feeling my heartbeat accelerate, not twinge, not drop in the pit of my stomach, not spark. Nothing. I felt nothing. It was a normal conversation and at the end of it I think he could tell that I'm past the whole thing. I told him how I was doing and how good I felt. I asked him how things were back at home and he sounded bitter as he replied, "whatever". All in all I believe we can be friends. We definitely won't talk everyday, week or month. Were too[2] diffrent people, down 2 diffrent paths, going 2 diffrent places, living 2 diffrent lives. At the moment I believe We definitely won't be together again..... not until he can mature. This will probably be the last time I write about him besides the casual comparison or reference. That chapter is finally done.... closed. I know this for sure.
Like I said I don't think it will ever work and I'm content with just saying the casual hello. Besides I always knew my heart would let me know.

Its been 7 months that I've been single. I think I'm finally ready to date. I'm finally ready to take the right approach, to actually get to know a guy. I'm finally ready to enjoy another man's company in my life. Maturity, self-motivation, a drive to live life, broaden their horizons, and reach their goals are important. Personality is key and looks aren't everything but they are a plus[ the icing on the cake]. I feel as if Ill probably only find these qualities in a older guy. Which is fine I have always liked older men [The first guy I ever had sex with was 18yrs older than me]. But it would also be nice to find somone around my age who wants the same things I do. Race/nationality isn't a issue but I have the strongest attraction of all to Latinos. Its always been that way for me since I was like 6.... They do it for me. I dunno. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams right now just someone mature and like-minded. Someone who wants to go places, take the steps to get there, and is willing to grow with me.... I want a companion.....

Now if I could only find one out here in or near fredericksburg, VA. I just can't seem to see a single gay guy out here. I'm always attracted to the straight ones............

My luck........ :[

Another addition

2008-12-16T16:39:00.003-05:00

So...... Now theirs 7 people in this household since my brother[stepbro] came down to live...... He's 19 and a bunch of trouble from what I've heard. I hear he has anger issues and is hardheaded. He has 2 kids no job and no diploma, ran up his gramas cable bill to 600 dollars ordering porn, steals, and has been locked up on more than 1 occasion. His first day here he tells me the real reason why he came here and why he didn't tell anyone else. He has a unpaid fine in ohio and now he has a warrant out. He says he's only down here for a year because he can't stay away from his kids for too long.[I ask my dad about his kids and he says he wasn't doing nothing for them anyway]. I haven't seen him since we were 11 and he was 9 when I came to VA the 1st time for the summer. He was part of the reason I didn't stay to live because he was a fucking annoying ass bug a boo. I had already whooped dat ass twice that summer and I couldn't fathom living with him everyday. Now he's here and on catching up with him he tells me how he's down here to change but then in the same breath tells me how he can't wait to find some bitches[cuz he loves to do them dirty, he claims]. After an hour of arriving he's already talking about smoking weed and starts to search the house for something to roll up in. he ends up taking some of the paper out of my shoe box u know that greyish kind they stuff in sneakers when their brand new. According to him this is what they do in jail, mind u it was his 2nd choice he first looked for his mama tampons..... He rolls up and goes into the backyard. Already disrespecting the house. I know what I came down here to do and nothing is sidetracking me. He reminds me of the typical lorain/elyria ohio black male. Its sad. he swears he's" a rapper, he pulls mad bitches, and a dancer[the boy started crumping and pop locking last night in the living room floor yall....what?????]. This boy gtta get it together today he tells me he had stabbed some boy when he was down here that's why they shipped him back to ohio the first time when he was 13. He brags proudly about this fact. All he could talk about today was finding his old friends numbers so he can hang cuz "he can't wait to get to the mall to game bitches". Complete mess.......[BLACKERD!]

On notice that he was coming to live I text my cousin and she says, "the only reason he coming down there is because he prolly heard you were going down there to live." I told her I don't know but I'm focused on me, I know what I came to do and I'm gonna do it I can't worry about nobody else. My dad was fighting with himself because he said he aint know if he wanted the headache and that he tired of the boy dissapointing his mom and seeing her hurt. I dunno yall but I can already see the tension. I don't know how this will unfold but ill definitely keep you tuned in....

[Lord knows I won't do another post from my blackberry]

Out

2008-12-09T00:50:00.000-05:00

Since I have arrived in Va the thing that has been running through my mind the most [besides men of course] is coming out to my father. This has been on my mind hard lately and i just cant seem to decide if i still want to do it. I think its because the outcome could be a number of things and iI dont think he will be happy about it at all. Not at all. I was so sure i was going to do it but didnt know when..... Now im not sure if i ever want to do it. Me and father dont have the best relationship and im trying to build a better one with him now, but im wondering will me telling him this set us back at square one. I dont want that. Sometimes I feel as if im acting like the rest of america and just making a overdramatic big deal about something I shouldnt worry about. As long as I love who I am it shouldnt matter..... right? But at the end of the day I feel as if I need his acceptance. I really Do. I feel like I wont be complete without it. But really thats all I want is his Acceptance [I have my moms] The rest of the world can go to hell for all I care. I really just dont know. The one thing im sure of is I should wait until i move out to do it. Lol. That I think would be th smartest move unless by some chance im forced to confront the issue sooner......... I Dunno. Im Utterly Confused.

I really dont know what to do.......

[Any Advice on this issue is greatly appreciated......]

First 48 Hrs

2008-12-02T14:10:00.003-05:00

I'm finally here in VA and things are relaxing. I had a breakdown the night before i was to leave because it hit me so hard that I was actually leaving the only place I knew and all the people I loved. I cried like a baby as Ii told everyone goodbye but I knew there was no turning back and I knew I was doing the right thing for myself.

What shouldve been a 7 hr drive took 11 hours due to holiday traffic. I didnt mind tho I slept a majority of it and it wasnt bad at all I needed the sleep.

I went to Crystal City and ate chipotle for the 1st time [after hearing so many people rant and rave abot their food] why my dad finished his job. (Chipotle is the bomb). My school played me. I get all the way down here to finish up the paperwork and get my classes together and they tell me they dont offer my major. I have to switch back to CNS because none of them offer it down here. PISSED!!!!!!! I SAW RED!!!! Why after calling here on a weekly basis for 3 months and telling you this was the major i was into no one saud oh yeah btw we offer your major but we dont teach it because theres no demand for it here and we have trouble placing students in tha field. AGAIN I SAW RED!!!!!!!! But in the end I did what I had to do and switched back. I Am so pissed about losing 3 credits and now my graduation has been pushed back to a year instead of 9 months. My dad tells me to stay positive and look at it as a blessing. Thats what im trying to do.

But so far that has been my first day and a half of my new begining.

Your Loss

2008-11-23T20:05:00.010-05:00

You were Right For Once.......

Baby I shine So Bright,

and You would Just Dim

My Star......

[Less Than A] 2 Week Notice

2008-11-19T11:53:00.002-05:00

In My headphones: Beyonce - I Am.... Sasha Fierce [I love this baby, B never falls short. Check It Out!]

I gave my job my 2 week notice and they all mad at me. But hey I gave em a full 2 week notice and I gotta do what I gotta do, I gotta get the hell up outta this trap that is Ohio. I got less than 2 weeks left in Ohio and its actually starting to hit me now that I'm not coming back. It feels good but I'm also sad at the same time. I just hope I get to say goodbye to all the people I will truly miss. Like my family and true friends. I dunno it seems as i get closer and closer to thanksgiving it hits a little harder everyday. But @ the end of the day I know I'm ready for a change and this is just the stepping stone I need to get out there and start making my life what I truly want it to be.

....

2008-11-14T20:43:00.007-05:00

Finally after damn near 3 months of waiting everything seems to be falling into place with this school situation. I finally got the go ahead and I have been giving the word that everything should transition smoothly into next quarter. I doubt everything will but I'm keeping hope with this move.

------------------
Hold on my mind is starting to wonder because one of the only 5 fine ass men @ my school[This Guy Ranks #1] is in this class walking around and all i can concentrate on is the way back of his shirt is moving [I LOVE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!].
------------------

He just walked out. That is definitely something I'm going to miss.
Anyways now the hard part is explaining to my job. They're gonna be crushed but oh well i gotta do what i gotta do. GOOD BYE OHIO! I wont I Repeat Wont Miss your ass. I wont lie there are somethings I'm leaving behind that I will miss like my close immediate family & best friend. But besides that I wont me missing a damn thing. I've been trying to spend time with people but no one seems to be on it so now my attitude is whatever if I don't see you or spend time with you before I go oh well! I tried. And now in about 2 1/2 weeks I'll on to bigger and better things so eat dust! What I'm looking forward to most out of this move is A New Job! More Money! My Own Place/Car And getting to know my Twin Bros & Lil Sister. Its very important to me that I know them. I also want to Meet a lot of new people and friends and hopefully a new Boo![A Nigga can dream cant he!], And hopefully become closer with my dad and come out to him. Coming out to him is what I'm dreading most but its also something I have thought a lot about lately and I feel as if I'm prepared to do it. I think I am because deep down I don't know what his reaction will be and I want it to consume his every thought. I am far from the kind of son my dad wants that is something I've always known and I guess when I do reveal it to him I'll be taking a couple steps farther away from what he wants and I'll be a couple steps closer to the person I hope to become someday.

My President Is Black

2008-11-05T21:26:00.004-05:00

I'm Still In Awe About Yesterday. I Was Just Waiting For Them To Say somehow the vote got stolen But It didn't happen. History Has Been Made And I Am Proud To have been a part of it. We Did It! As I called my Grandma we both shed a tear. I'm So Proud. My President Is Black.

Like, Seriously?

2008-11-03T16:57:00.006-05:00

No You didn't Ask trick or treaters who they parents were voting for and if they said Obama you wouldn't give them candy and made them cry.

-Like, Seriously?-

At a red carpet interview, Soulja Boy reportedly said the following:

“Hold up! Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we’d still be in Africa.

We wouldn’t be here [in America] to get this ice and tattoos.”

-He really Does Have Shit For Brains... [Blackerdry At Its Best]-

Diddy’s artist Donnie Klang really let it all out in an interview with a New York radio station. Of his boss and Black people, he said:

“I’m going to tell you the truth … its hell working with Diddy, he never really gives you a say dealing with your career - its always what he wants. He is trying to make me something I’m not. He wants me to act Black … I’m not sure why maybe because the majority of the Bad boy family is Black. I’m not really sure if this is the place for me anymore, but I’m trying to work through with this and to tell you the truth its really hard to work with Black people in general."

-Boy Stop! Yo Ass Gone Be Dropped Next-

Case Of The Ex [1]

2008-10-28T22:08:00.003-04:00

Things and my ex these days seem to be a lot better. We are friends first these days and I think our relationship is better because of it. When I say relationship I mean strictly our relationship as Friends we are in no way shape or form together. Right now I really want to be single and I think he does too. More than ever tho now I notice the differences between us and makes me notice more and more that at times as bad as I want him to be I don't know if he is the one for me. Since we have become friends we have snuggled & slept together 2x. We love each other but again we both want to be single at the moment. We are different and yet the same, It confuses me to no end. We have a lot in a common but are personalities are sorta different. I really think I'm just more mature than he is being like almost 2 1/2 years older than he is. He says I'm more conservative. like on the rare occasions when I smoke a blunt or 2 like i did in the old days[I Try to be strictly a alchy these days Mr. Cuervo is my very best friend :) ] and I have smoked with him and his friends I just chill you know do me, they're the type that they have to get high and be all over the place and that's not me I just like to sit back chill and observe things you know enjoy my high I've never been the type to need to be the center of attention i have never been predictable [I move in the shadows] Lol. I dunno I have never really hung with people my age except my cousins having gone through as much as we went through as kids we were always so mature for our age taking care of ourselves and we always hung with and older crowd and our older cousins we rarely had friends our age. Shit when we first started seriously smoking and drinking and shit we were like 15-16 hanging with people at the very least 24+ and up we were always welcome because we weren't immature.

He I feel still has a lot of growing up to do especially in the area of actually taking the steps to enroll in college and have some sort of goal as to where he wants to be in 5 years [Not saying he needs a 5 year plan but I mean he should have some idea or goal as to where he wants to be or what he wants to have attained by then]. He says He does want to be together in the future and I'm not going to lie I can see us together in the future but I don't feel as if were on the same path right now. I'm not content with living in The town I grew up in In Ohio and I feel like he is. He says since we first met each other he has envisions us as this power couple who gay and straight people alike will respect and talk about as this great couple who has their shit together. Sadly I don't think he wants to take the initiative to get to that level. He says part of why he started to distance himself from me before we broke up [I broke up with him] was because he thought he was dimming my star and that I could do better than him because I'm trying to make a life for myself by going to school and working and he's just working and just got his GED not to long ago. I told him i didn't feel as if he was dimming my star but if he's tryna be the type of couple he told me about he needs to figure out where he wants to be. The other reason he distanced himself was because I am not out to the world like he is and wasn't out and open with our relationship. Coming out is a hurdle that I am trying to get over. I am out to my sister, Mother, & best friend. But I Have yet to come out to the rest of my family and friends. I sure some of them already know and are just waiting for me to spill it... I mean I'm not flaming or anything far from it but Ive never had a serious girlfriend like the rest of my cousins my age. Ive done sexual things with girls but I don't have the desire to actually sleep with one. but anyways coming out is something that isn't easy for me. It's a long journey and I'm not even half way there. I'm not the type to care what people think or say about me but I guess with my family I do in someways. I guess its because I know how harsh we are and how we always speak our minds. when me and him first got together he knew I wasn't out and was ok with me taking my time but I guess things changed down the road.......

I guess I'll have to do a 2nd part to this post because its getting way too long

Till Next Time.....

In The Last Couple Days.....

2008-10-15T22:48:00.010-04:00

Things have been good for me lately besides the fact that I have been so damn busy these days. It seems like I never have a spare moment for myself. Work is work besides the fact that I have been being constantly disturbed and lightweight stalked by a co-worker-----
--------------
If You haven't Got that new Jazmine Sullivan - Fearless,

Robin Thicke - Something Else,

or T.I. - Paper Trail [I'm a Weezy F Baby Fan to the fullest But im sorry T.I. Did it this time around]

You are definitely missing out.
These are most definitely the best Albums I have heard 08 thus far. I cant stop listening to Fearless Since I got it a couple days ago its just so unique and strong theres no one like her she will definitely be around till the end. Mr. Thicke definitely stepped it up from "Evolution" which was already damn good IMHO[damn that white boy is soulful & damn cute I might add], and quite frankly this is T.I.'s best album to date[I think its his first front to backer]. These albums should definitely win some damn Grammy's this year IMO.

----- Now back to our scheduled programming.

This chick has been honestly trying to get with me since last december[I wrote about her in my last random post] and cant get the clue. Not a day goes by where shes not hitting on me. Shes very desperate and seems like the psycho stalker type [You know the type that invite you over tie you up in they house and go on about they daily routine like you aint dying in the basement or something]. but appareantly this chick has been lying on me telling people on the front end of the store that me and her are dating and that we go out all the time. Excuse me???/??? Arent you 30+ so why are you still lying like your in highschool. I was happy when she seemed to be ignoring me for a week but tuesday she came back stronger than ever. But not only has she been lying on me shes been lying on cashiers saying she gets drunk with these underage girls at her house, hitting on another male cashier who just turned 18 mind you and then i hear shes lying on other people and getting into it with other people who work in the store. My black ass is not one to be lied on [one thing i cant stand is a liar] and if we wasnt in the workplace her ass woulda been Stomped Out I Repeat Stomped Out from one or a few of my many cousins. But anyways I went to the HR who wasnt at work that day so i went to the Next person in charge. I told him the whole history about how she been tryna get me since last december and when she was on medical leave was sending me messages through another co-worker, and how now that shes back she's relentless. I told him I dont have a problem working with her I just want her outta my hair. Well appareantly everybody she been lying on and getting into it with have went to the HR. I mean im not tryna get the girl fired like I said I dont mind working with her cause we work on opposite ends of the store but it sounds like to me the people on the front end want her gone and they all complaining and my inside source tells me she could get in trouble for sexual harrassment because the guy who just turned 18 went and told asap and says she be saying sexual things to him..... Again 30+......... I was just happy today she was ignoring me so maybe the manager told her to calm it down. I dont know ill have to keep you updated on her fate.

School is getting harder and with all the hours they been scheduling me at work its hard to study. I got a low C on my midterm which a nigga was not happy about. [Damn Computer Programming!] And the damn registrar still aint sent my transfer papers. I guess im going to have to call and remind her my black ass is tryna be gone out of ohio by the end of november I mean damn lick the stamp already!

Me and my good amiga Memphiz are planning a new blog dedicated To Music, Art, Fashion, Design, Decor and plethora of other things. Its still in the works So ill definitely let you know when that can be checked out.

Things with my Ex are good but thats a whole nother post that im going to write about shortly......

Lord Knows I need a Mental And Physical Break!!!!!!!!!!!!

Till Next Time........

U

2008-10-06T13:54:00.008-04:00

I didn't hear from U for almost 2 months and then I find out U R engaged.

I'm Hurt.

Less than a week after congratulating U on Ur Engagement I get a call.

He did U wrong The engagement is Over.

U Apologize, We Talk, We Chill, We're friends.

We let the past be the past

I Let U Back In.

U and I Embrace and it feels like We never ended....

But We are just Friends, That Is Certain.

I Hope this isn't a mistake.

Time Will Tell......

Random Thoughts

2008-09-30T13:35:00.003-04:00

You're 40+ and you drank the last of the Kool-Aid and put the empty jar back in the fridge...... Right........40+...........Really?!?!

Are you mad cuz when I texted you I didnt say hi first. PUH-LEEZE!

Are You A 30+ Grown Woman With 2 Kids In HS, Making As Much Money As I Do, Stay Looking Manly& A Hot mess, Wont take a hint, Cant get a clue, And Really STILL trying To Hit On Me since last december...........Girl STOP! It Aint Happening!

Why do you make more money than I Do Have a higher Position and still Manage to be
Intimidated By Me?

Girl Are you still on Project Runway! That Was Not Hip-Hop! You ass better be leaving next Epi.

Will somebody please get Donnie(Of Making The Band 4) Some damn Dance lessons He's A Horrible performer not only on stage but in the damn videos. He cant even 2 step. I mean really Diddy? Speaking of MTB4 That damn Robert Is Just so Damn Fine......

Will Bow Wow ever grow Up. Marco Polo..................Seriously????............................Seriously???? [I played that game in the Kiddie pool PUHLEEZE!] Ultimate step backward in Your career.

As Much as I cant stand Khia Whenever I see something about her I have to stop and read it. She's Just Too Hilarious!

She Dont Wanna Be Saved

Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk

Did anyone else cringe when they saw that R.Kelly interview saying he has teenage friends....... Innocent my ass......

New Layout

2008-09-30T13:30:00.003-04:00

NEW LAYOUT COURTESY OF MEMPHIZ OF Memphiz Soul! CHECK HER OUT!

After Break

2008-09-17T14:59:00.005-04:00

I thought I would be able to post something a lot sooner but it seems since this quarter has started I have been out of the loop and struggling to get back into the swing of things. But to make along story short because for some reason now that I have a second to post I don't even feel like it lol.

But anyways......

I have made the decision to move with my father. I figure I'm not achieving anything here in Ohio so why not try to create a fresh start for myself somewhere else. And he lives somewhere near D.C. so I figure I will find a way better job after graduating school then I would around here. Plus he is trying to help me get on my feet with a car and an apartment something no one down here is even considering. So everything is pointing me in that direction and god knows that I have been praying for a clear direction, a clear path that I should embark on and this seems to be the one. So now I just need to mentally prepare for this move and get my transfer shit together because before I know it, it will be the end of November and I will be making that trip.

School just started last week and after a 2 week break from it I have totally lost most the information I thought I had retained. I guess instead of chilling I should been keeping my nose in the books. But that break was really needed.

Lately I have been hating being "celibate". O.k. I'm not really Celibate but after the lack of sex that has come my way and the fact that I haven't had any in months upon months upon months I feel like I'm Celibate. I mean I'm really in need of some Male on Male Physicality With some Gorgeous Specimen of a man. Ive never been into anonymous sex not knocking anyone who is but I'm just not into it. Especially with everything running rampant these days[HIV,STD I DON'T NEED EM!!!!]. But I'm not ready for another relationship, but maybe a friend.

Other than that I have been feeling mad creative and It just seems I don't have the time or the space to let it all out.

What am I to do.

Till Next Time.....

Missing In Action

2008-09-04T18:48:00.002-04:00

Hola Amigos.....

I know I been gone for a minute but trust and believe as soon as I pay this bill and get my Internet back on a nigga will be posting again. I'm so behind on reading everyones shit i'll prolly be at the computer for a whole 2-3 hours just catching up. Cant Wait.

See You All Soon.

Journey |

2008-08-03T19:21:00.011-04:00

"Keep In Mind I'm An Artist & I'm Sensitive About My Shit" - Erykah Badu

I'm on a journey
I'm on a quest to find
The man within myself
The man within my mind
The man within my heart
The man I want to be
The man that truly lives and breathes deep inside of me
So many examples
So much inspiration
But what I feel I lack is Drive & Motivation
Puzzled at myself
As the sun begins to set
Puzzled as to why
I'm not doing my best
Puzzled Still
But I try to collect the pieces of my broken spirit
Cry's and Pain from within myself
But I dare let no one hear it
A million pieces scattered
And I journey to collect each one
To mold them And unite each piece

Until my soul Shines

Again

Like The Sun....

"Copy written, So Don't Copy Me" - Missy Elliot
[Yeah My Shit Is Already Copyrighted. So Don't Try And Steal My Shit.] ;)

2008-07-29T23:27:00.001-04:00

Not In the mood to Post as of late.

Feeling Kinda Low.

Feeling Kinda Depressed.

Just Feeling.....

Just Friends

2008-07-17T13:01:00.006-04:00

I talked to my ex the other day..... the conversation went a lot better than I thought it would. But I realize that I am 100% over him. [If this was Maury it would have been atleast 1000% LMAO!] I wont lie and say I haven't thought about him since we broke up but its been a couple months now and I am so much better without him mentally and emotionally. one of the 1st questions I was asked was Am I seeing anyone? I replied No. Afterward when recalling this conversation to a friend he asked why I didn't lie to make him jealous.. I could have lied and said yes to make him jealous because he obviously wants to know if anyones getting what was once his. Lol. but like I said I'm a very honest person and I would gain NOTHING from making him jealous. Like I said I'm over him why put energy into making someone I no longer care about jealous. I don't want him. We have talked on a couple occasions and I have politely let him know that though I have missed "Us" in the past right now I am completely fine with us being friends and that I think everyone experiences heart break from the 1st love/Boyfriend it's what you do after that counts. All he could say was Ok. Lol. So no longer do I hold any Anger, Spite, or any negativity towards this person. I feel like all of that went with all the conversations we had. I feel like its better to just let it go completely. Let that shit burn I guess. [That last sentence was so WACK but I'm going to leave it anyway. I mean who doesn't miss The old Usher cause this new Lip-syncing one is killing me.]

Anywayz!

All I really want at this stage is Sex. Thats pretty much all I miss Lmao. I want Some new Dick. Cause I definitely see any of the past 2 guys I messed around with as worthy of enjoying me anymore. Ahh if I could just find some worthy candidates. The Mission Begins........

Ugh.

2008-07-05T15:00:00.003-04:00

My 4th of July was a safe one. It was O.K. At best. It seems like there has been so much on my mind. I'm in the mood to write but I need to organize my thoughts a little more clearer before I sit down and spill my guts. Ugh. My head is starting to hurt from all of this negativity that is surrounding me lately. And work @ 4:30 isn't going to help one bit.

Spite

2008-07-02T18:19:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wish I had gay friends. Friends that I could go out with and kick it with, friends that I could talk about things with and would understand and be able to respond and know how I feel. Sometimes I Wish. I don't have that much trust in people though. Just thinking about it makes me think about how much Trust I put into my only real relationship and boyfriend to date and how much of a mistake that was. How he played with me. Uggh! Yuk! Just thinking about the dick head makes me cringe. I will never put myself into that position or any position remotely related to it. Never. The time we were together wasn't worth all the childish lies, all the regret I have, and all the spite i have for that person. Ugggh! Its just so gross. He actually called me the other day talking about he wanted to see how I'm doing. Fine. Then theres awkwardness because we have nothing to talk about. So I tell him to come and get his stuff from my house. Than he starts to sound sad like a puppy dog, oh you want me to come get it, you don't want it there? HELLO! Was me not asking a big enough clue?!?!?!? Asshole. So he arranges a date with me for him to come get it. Why don't I ever here from the Scrape after that phone call and someone never came to come get their bullshit from my house. I don't like asking more than once and quite frankly I don't want to call or talk to him. Me asking him to come get his stuff was my way of not having to see him anymore after that time because I'm Done with him. He's someone I can live without and would not like to see or talk to because I don't consider Liars friends or associates. So I threw the trash in the back of my closet along with all the other trash and things I simply don't use or need. It all just reinforces my rule that I wont date anyone younger than me. It's probably the maturity factor that makes me attracted to older men. Boys simply aren't there, know what I mean?

Ugh, I Hate feeling Spiteful.

But It too shall pass.

I Said It

2008-06-09T11:58:00.009-04:00

A couple days ago while laying in bed I actually missed my ex ...........for just a few minutes. For some reason a feeling came over me and I missed holding each other in my bed. Than the weather changed the next day and I was like puh-leeze its 91 outside, and like I said it was only a few minutes [I guess those moments are part of getting over someone you loved.]. It's Been weeks and That nigga gets no contact from my end.
Someone please write a post card and thank Chris Brown for that Ebony Cover. After walking past the magazine rack at work and almost tripping after spotting the picture I was Like HALLELUJAH! Man Can he get IT!
Damn! A Nigga is so damn horny these days. I guess with the lack of available Pinga around these days Im starting to go through withdrawals lmao. Oh well I guess I can always be celibate lmao. Puh-Leeze!
Well someone tell fergie & nelly to retire. I Mean Damn Nelly Just model some underwear and get it over with. From what Ive seen your bottom is quite Apple-y. [BTW tell Ashanti if she sang in another tone maybe she'd stop falling off for years after each album. And was she really serious about bringing Ja Rule Out on stage the other day....... Really?]
Im in no hurry to jump into a relationship in fact I think I want to be single for a while but i do want the company of another guy in my life. Purely sexual, nothing serious, just sex.
Sex, Did I mention Sex Yet? Boy am in need of some long dick slinging freaky deaky rough sweaty man sex. .....................
Is Marcus Patrick Ever gonna go back to acting? I Mean I Don't mind taking a gander at his fine self booty butt naked but there comes a time when you have to get back on track. It seems like he doing alot more nudes, and stripping than acting these days.
I Must say I have been realizing that there are some fine white men in the world. Just a few.
Whenever John Legend's Commercial Came on at work I can't help but stare at his crotch in those tight white pants. I Just cant help it dammit! And All of our Big Flat screen TV's are High Def 1080p. So Much Detail.
Will someone please tell Lil Kim to get over herself at this point please. GOAT? Puh-leeze! If she didn't ride Keyshia's Coat Tails in '07 she wouldn't even still be mentioned. Find a new ghostwriter.
Ain't It a shame when out of the 15+ A Millie Remixes Out There Cory Gunz And Lil Mama [The Youngest] Were the only ones ripping It? And Lil Mama Went on for 5 minutes. I have to giver her props on That one She Outdid alot of grown damn men.

Drawing Nearer........

2008-06-05T14:09:00.003-04:00

As the end of my 2 week break from school draws nearer and nearer I'm mentally preparing myself to get back into the school mode. Refocusing on having to trek to school right after work, Yuk! I'm already dreading thinking about have to walk into there today and deal with white people who look at me crazy like I don't belong. Me and my friend @ work were already discussing how theres a total of like 5 black people & 1 Latin female who works with us and I'm and the lone black male. Just thinking about having to do this again but for the entire summer and its already getting into the kind of weather where when you wake up you stick to your sheets and you feel sticky before about an hour after your shower. I definitely have to look for another job after i get my school shit taken care of tomorrow. I definitely have to get this car situation into my grasp so that after work I will at least be able to come home shower and change into some comfortable, clean, air ventilating clothes. I really don't think ill be able to handle wearing the same clothes I've worked & sweating in all day to school all summer. NO. It cant be an option. I definitely have to get this thing on the go. I would have a damn car by now but I had to be Mr. Good Son and help my mother out thus Delaying My Progress. I swear 75% of my life I have been the parent. I could write a book about my life's daily trials and tribulations. But I no longer dwell on the murky details [aka the downers] anymore.

The one thing I can look forward to is Starting school. My major is changed and I will be starting my web development classes ASAP! As soon as I learn some damn coding this blog will go through a complete Graphic Makeover. This time next year I [with gods graces] should have a damn job in my career field and be just making my way out of the trap that is Ohio. Nothing can really stop me at this point but Me, Myself And I. All I have to do is study hard and get my priorities straight. I'm Motivated to have the life i have always dreamed of.

Fuck You / Bitch I'm Actin' Brand New!

2008-05-25T12:45:00.008-04:00

It's All About Me These Days.

And like the title says Fuck you if you don't like it. Anyone whose remotely close to me knows that I'm a very outspoken person. I tell you exactly what I think and if you don't like it. I really don't care. But I'm gonna say it. I sugar coat NOTHING! And If you don't like it........well you know where to go. But right now It's all about my happiness at this point. I realize after putting so much of myself out there for one person and it all meaning nothing to them and all of it crashing back down on me, I'm so over it at this point. I will never sacrifice my feelings or lay them out there for another human being to toy with & stomp all over. My attitude has definitely changed in just these past couple days. I feel like now if it doesn't benefit me to hell with it. If your blocking my happiness you have to be expunged. If your stopping my progress I'll Step on you with my new pair of Dunks. @ this point if you ain't talking bout progress why we speaking? I cant worry about others peoples feelings I'm on my way to the top and if you ain't on rising to the top with me ill leave you at the bottom with the rest of them fools. If anything you can call me the puppeteer cause I'm gonna be pulling the strings from now on. I Just feel like its time to get a grip on things and start controlling the outcome. As My girl Mary J. said, "No More Drama" and I definitely feel if I want to be happy and your in the way well you can either walk along side me or fall back. It's Time for me to have my front as well as my back. And any stragglers that get in the way can eat dirt as it kicks up from behind me. Hate Ir Or Love It Either Way It's The Way It is.

Again,

Fuck You / Bitch I'm Actin' Brand New! - Lil Wayne

Exhausted

2008-05-21T21:31:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow could be life changing for me. Depending on if I get this job life could become so much easier for me. I would be able to afford all the necessities I need and it would get my foot in the door on getting out on my own. If I get hired at this JOB I could finally purchase a car, an apartment, and start focusing on Me, Myself, and I. Everything would start to fall into place. There would be so much I wouldn't have to worry about. Everything would come together.

These last couple weeks have been draining my energy. Between work and finals everything is taking a toll on my state of mind. I'm so mentally & physically drained. I'm always tired and I can never have a decent nights sleep. All the beautiful weight I had gained is gone, and now I weigh less than what I did before. My body is drained. I feel like all my Energy is being sucked away from me by some unknown source. And I hate not being well rested and having Energy. I just feel depleted. Thank God that after tomorrow ill have a 2 week and I repeat 2 week break from school finals will be over. Hopefully ill have a new job after tomorrow also. I'm Praying.

HIATUS

2008-05-03T14:09:00.005-04:00

I have decided to take a short hiatus from blogging. I am going to take a week or 2 break from this thing[I'm Just a little bored i guess]. I'm just going to time to refocus on school, purchasing a car, My Art, Trying to get an apartment, and other important things that I need to take complete and utter focus on at the moment. I'm 21 and time is doing nothing but passing me by. Its time to get myself in the game and get the things I want before this summer is over. And Before my deadline of 23. Lol. I'll continue to write comments and read others blog but for myself I wont be posting for a while.

[I Need A Nap!]

*PRIMO

Time To Move On.....

2008-04-27T12:07:00.004-04:00

Lately things have been horrible for me. Lets just say I have been getting the short end of the stick for a while now from my boyfriend. It took me forever but I prayed on it and I asked god to send me a sign and I felt like he did in more than one form. And then I began to think about all the conversations I had with my boyfriend and then it clicked..... He obviously didn't need to be my boyfriend anymore. So like my girl Keyshia Cole I let that nigga go. And honestly after I did I felt like something had been lifted and lately I have been feeling so good lately. Honestly, Damn Good!

After I did it, I honestly wondered why I hadn't done it earlier. All the signs were there and I put my feelings to the side ignoring them for a love that was fading [On his end] and a relationship that I seemed to be in alone. I didn't want to do it over the phone but like i said he didn't want to take the 5 minutes it takes to drive over my house so I did it over the phone. Oh Damn Well! After the 2nd day I had to to what i had to do. Shit I got tired of being in a long distance relationship with someone who lives 5 minutes away. I guess this all goes back to my saying that I shouldn't date Younger than me because for the 2nd time, it didn't work.

But now I feel honestly refreshed and ready to do me. I feel like the negative element is behind me and I have nothing but positive things to look forward too. And the process of building structure begins.......

[Yo, Pray For Me .]

:)

So Sad & Lonely.....

2008-04-16T20:00:00.002-04:00

This is exactly how i have been feeling lately. Mostly because since about Easter I have been doing nothing but staying in the house, going to school, and work. I have no life and I hate it. Right now I'm listening to Ms. Cole on my new Zune[she always feels where I'm coming from.] I'm so tired of this same routine and I am becoming more and more bored with my everyday life, Or lack thereof. I feel sad because I am unhappy with my everyday life. Unhappy with work, school. And right now that seems to be all my life consists of is work and school. Pretty sad right. When your life consists of 2 things you cant stand I find it pretty sad on my part. I feel at this point I need to find new hobbies. Lately I just haven't found any inspiration in drawing lately. Nothing in my life is inspiring, nothing in my life feels alive......Nothing in my life brings me any energy.

I am Lonely because My boyfriend barely, rarely, never, doesn't have time for me. Its frustrating.

I have been feeling so alone lately. So So So Alone...........

RANDOM RANT

2008-04-06T21:37:00.001-04:00

I MISS MY BESTFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAMN 2 WEEKS IS TAKING TOO DAMN LONG TO PASS!

I MEAN SHE'S ALREADY ACROSS SEAS BUT NOW I CANT EVEN TALK TO HER ON AIM!

COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[END RANT]

New Career Outlook?!? Maybe?!?

2008-04-01T13:14:00.010-04:00

Lately I've been thinking about switching my major to web design. I feel that this would be more beneficial to a career in graphic design later down the line don't ya think? The problem it is it may cost me more money. Since i may already have taken classes that i don't need for the Web Design degree. Decisions Decisions..........But i think I'm going to go ahead and switch over anyway after a little more research.

My best friend is traveling across Europe for the next 2 weeks. Lucky Bitch! The only bad thing is that I will have no contact with her for the next 2 weeks which sucks. SUCKS!!!!!

I probably wont see my boyfriend for a while either. Yesterday he told me he doesn't have a day off until next week. He's now a shift leader at his job but first has to take a test to be shift manager and get his raise. Can you say bullshit. I told him then your not Shift leader yet if you have to take a damn test for it to be official and get your raise. But he's already in his "Shift Leader" mentality that he has so much responsibility and the reason he has to work all these days is because someone got suspended from his job and now he's filling the shifts. 12-8 everyday. Puh-leeze Hispanegro! Then I see him last night and he's all down and out about how he hasn't got to spend much time with me and he misses me. Please if you missed me you wouldn't be volunteering for extra shifts so save it. I know hes thinking about all the extra money he will have but don't bitch about the shit when your taking it upon yourself to act as the shift leader without it being official and not even being paid for it yet and now you take it upon yourself as to fill others peoples shifts is your duty because your "Shift leader". So I ask him, Is it always going to be like this? he replies what? I say, You putting your job before everything. He replies, I Dunno. I then say, well i hope you can find a real answer to that soon. I'm tired of loving so hard. Is that Wrong To care so much about a person? For caring About US? Maybe I'm Overreacting?

Structure

2008-03-26T19:39:00.004-04:00

Structure is something i definitely need in my life. I need it from the top of my curly ass head to the bottom of my handsome ass feet. I Need to start having balance in this crazy ass world of mine. Balance i find is definitely key. I need to start making things in my life clear and simple to avoid as much confusion as possible. I need first of to set my ass a bed time [Yes I know I'm too damn old to have a bed time and ain't had a bed time since about the 3rd grade], but i love my sleep and these days i find myself waking up with barely enough time to wash my face & brush my hair because I'm so damn tired and too damn lazy to get up when the alarm rings the 1st time. Now Notice I left out brushing my teeth, I left it out because for the first time in my life i forgot to brush my teeth in my hurry to get to work on time. Now trust and believe a nigga never forgets because you can ask anyone who knows me my Pearly whites stay white and clean and are one of my greatest assets. Can You say pissed from 10-4. PISSED! I find myself struggling to keep up wit my school work on time and find myself hours before its time to go to school finishing work and not completing all of the assignments [I.E. Yesterdays Class!] PISSED! I'm barely finding time to eat some days. REALLY PISSED! My bank account is definitely not where it needs to be[PISSED!!!!!!!] at the moment and i now know that i need to set an amount that i need to deposit every 2 weeks and keep the other funds in my pockets so that i don't overspend. Structure is definitely what i need at this point i need to focus so bad.

My relationship With my Boyfriend [yes we ended up getting back together tho at a point it seemed like we never broke up] has hit a snag. Nothing Big. Just Confusing.

Sorrow Decreased

2008-03-11T14:37:00.002-04:00

I Must Say that i loved my break from school last week. Only work in the morning and i rarely ever get scheduled more than a 6 hour shift and then being able to come home and not do anything. Not a damn thing. It was nice just to be able to change clothes after work and just sit at home and enjoy life for once. So as i was enjoying life you can tell that i got nothing accomplished Lol. I'm still strong in my campaign against smoking. The weird thing is that i haven't even had the urge to smoke and the one time i did i was drinking and when the blunt came my way i simply dismissed it. Can you say progress? It may not seem like progress to you but for someone who loves weed and all of its heavenly nature [after all it is Nature's Candy, It's From The Earth, And in the words Of Smoky "God Put This Here For Me And You"] It's progress. After Saturdays Winter storm i was so drained. My back still hurts from all the damn shoveling i did that day. Ive realized my passion in life [Graphic Design] and sadly due to hasty decisions it has to take a backseat for a couple years. But i will still pursue it whole heartedly in my own way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lately I have been inspired By the works of Peter Chung creator of the One of a kind Aeon Flux, Katsuhiro Otomo creator of the brilliant Akira, Artist Moebius, and Nickelodeons Avatar: The Last Airbender [Fire Nation Exclusively]. All of these are great influences on my ideas for my own creation. The problem is that i want my work to look something like these and am having trouble developing my own style. It's gonna take a while to find my signature but when I do it will be the shit. Believe It.

I am definitely buying The complete Collection of Aeon Flux Episodes On Amazon, Along With Akira.

Here's A episode Of Aeon Flux One of my favorites as a matter of fact. For those of you who don't know Aeon Flux is a character who dies in every episode and in the entire first season there was no talking in any of the episodes. Except for the Word "Plop!" In this episode. So Its like a visual Narrative told absolutely through the animation. I Love It. This episode is influenced by a book called Story Of The Eye. Alot of people don't understand this animation but it has always been a favorite of mine since MTV began airing it in the early 90's. This a animation done by Peter Chung who definitely has his own signature style And from seeing it showed me that nothing ever has to be perfect as you will soon see. Creativity Is Not Perfect But Pure, Natural, & Fluid.

[I Should Start An Art Blog... Just A Thought] :)

Aeon Flux - Leisure

Rest & Relaxation

2008-02-29T21:12:00.003-05:00

What i need is some good ass rest and relaxation. Tomorrow i think im just going to stay home and sleep. Think about all the things i need to do that will make me happy. Life is beating me up and i just feel worn out. I have recently started working out trying to get that body i so desperately want. Trying desperately to refocus on school [my heart just isnt in it]. Eliminating bad habits like smoking[6 days strong]. Developing ideas for a character in a comic/animation/short film I'm working on and will hopefully before i die bring to life. And just worrying about my well being, my health, and my happiness. The last 3 things are the most important to me these days. I feel like i really need to start taking better care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. These days I'm just trying to focus on what makes me better. There is so many people i encounter who are so negative and who are doing nothing but trying to bring me down. The negativity is slowly making me crumble, and I'm so sick of everyone. I feel as if I'm trying to find myself. I have been so alone these days, especially since i broke up with my boyfriend and he seems to be on games[I'M SO OVER IT!]. Now i feel like its time to give up the immature people, the negative people, the people who don't want to see me rise to the top and take myself to the next level. I'm tired of negative posts...... I want positive things to write about in life. I feel as if theres so much out there for me and I'm just here. I dread to one day wake up an old man and pitying myself because I never experienced life. From this day on I'm doing what i need to do and am gonna try to be more positive, surround myself with positive people, and enjoy my life. Being happy with myself and my life has always been a hurdle and a struggle but i feel as if i put my mind to it i can achieve what i have be longing for.

Not Sure

2008-02-18T20:47:00.006-05:00

Right now i feel like a fool who is in love. Your my first love and you will always be in my heart. My mind is racing with thoughts..... assumptions. I don't want to assume. It's hard when i don't know anymore, I don't know if you really love me. I don't know if your playing games with my heart, But like i stated previously I Don't want to assume. I guess only time will tell if I am playing myself for you. If I am..... my heart will break into even smaller pieces and we both know you wont be there to pick up the pieces. I want to believe but I am not so sure. Not at all. Its hard, and I am Unsure. My mind is not at peace. Not at all. Should I follow my heart which tells me to believe you..... you will return to me....... return my love. Or should I follow my Mind which is telling me to get over you before its too late. Options. Which Do I Choose. It's Hard...... Love. Your my first love and you will always be in my heart...... But will I always be in yours?

?

2008-02-07T00:48:00.002-05:00

I've been so confused lately. Confused about Life in general and the path i am currently walking down. I feel as if i need to be cleansed. Like i just need all the negative energy sucked away from me. I dont think my mind is at peace. So with that said I wont create another post until i have something positive to reflect on.

Until that time comes....

*PRIMO

6 Months

2008-01-27T16:28:00.001-05:00

Its actually hit me. My bestfriend is officially In England. For the next 6 months my bestfriend will be studying abroad in europe. Im so happy for her, this is a once in a lifetime experience and i know she will soak up every minute of it like a sponge. Im so so Proud of her and the women she is becoming. She is one of the very few females that i went to school with and is actually doing something positive with her life. I couldnt be more happy for her.

But at the same time i am sad. I mean my bestfriend is gone for 6 months what am i to do. I guess i can take this next 6 month period as a stepping stone to get alot of things done, accomplish alot of goals, and not be where i am today.

And Atleast ill get to see plenty of pictures and hear plenty of stories. I cant wait.

Communication

2008-01-20T14:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday i was supposed to go out wit my boyfriend and his friends or whatever. but he pissed me off and i said fuck it. I didnt answer his calls or his texts all night. So I called him this morning to talk to him. Like usual his first response is he doesnt care. Thats what pisses me off. He can never seem to meet me halfway in this relationship. He cant seem to talk to me about anything. i cant have a decent conversation without him half-ass paying attention and then cussing me out and hanging up. I guess im kinda tired of it. Im tired of not having communication. Being in love with someone whos not in love with me and cant meet me halfway on anything. Someone Who disregards what i say and simply doesnt care about me and my feelings. Like when i called him today and told him i was mad at him he goes i dont care so what. I dont feel like talkin to you right now. So im going to give him his space, because at this point Its what ive been saying from the beginning. My feelings and what i say dont count. Theres no communication. He simply doesnt care. This is my first relationship so i came into expecting nothing. But i atleast thought there would be a middle ground where i could talk to him. I guess theres not. We have been together about 4 months. Im Sick of his attitude. He just cant seem to listen to me. And when hes listening its going in one ear and out the other. I Dont know. I guess i need a break.

On The Move.....

2008-01-13T15:57:00.000-05:00

Usually i sit back and laugh at people who are way too serious about myspace. But seeing as how i actually went to school with this person i just had to talk about it. Cause its a damn mess. MESS!

I know a girl who gave up a track scholarship to stay and go to community college, end up getting pregnant, and now is trying to blow up and make a modeling career out of her myspace page (I.E. Cassie, Tila Tequila, 50 Million other people With myspace pages.) After getting pregnant, dropping out of school, getting duped by numerous guys who shes given money and her car too and ended up fucked over she still the same airhead and making the same mistakes. Quite frankly I'm never one to hate but this girl was book smart as hell and a complete Airhead when it came to the streets. In her aspirations to become a model she is now doing local videos for local artists around the Cleveland area ( and i mean none of the ones they actually play on the radio). She has done about 3 of these local low budget videos. So low budget shes worn the same outfit in 2 of the 3 videos. Shes doing the usual video girl role in these videos: dancing in close to nothing, for people who have close to nothing. Especially in the video she danced in made by someone who is from our hometown and every nigga in the video was someone i went to high school with and either didn't graduate, dropped out, has 3-4 baby mamas, doesn't want to graduate and is complacent with staying in the bum town we call home because here the girls think they shit. No Aspirations. When i seen these videos i was in awe because she was someone who could have went somewhere and done something with her life. Instead shes using her myspace page to try and blowup. I find it sad that shes a self proclaimed Official Aspiring Model-Video Girl-Actress On the Move. Shes willing to do anything from weddings, nudity, birthdays to barmitzvahs. This girl is serious and i hear while shes working part time at Ponderosa that she may not even be getting paid to do these videos. On her page you can find her in many photoshoots shes done in her Video Outfit. and shes even posted a new photoshoot of her in a bubblebath in her bikini. Whats it sound like to you? I really think this girl needs to enroll back in school, Take care of her child and get her shit together. She is constant comic relief to me and my bestfriend, both of us having went to school with her her since about 7th grade. I dont know about the people that live around me. Everyones so complacent. It sickens me and reminds me of why i try to get out of here and why i stayed outta the crowd during highschool. I Would post her videos from youtube but i dont want to embarrass her anymore than shes does herself because there hasnt been one time where someone mentions her name and they bring up the videos and laugh at her. Maybe its her dream, But if Video Modeling was my ultimate goal in life, I would feel defeated, wonder where ill be in 5 years and know that i still have a lot to learn.

Relieved..... [Thank You God]

2008-01-10T14:03:00.000-05:00

I can honestly say god does listen to you when you speak to him. the last week i been talkin bout my school / car situation and how i might have had to drop for lack of transportation. I was down for a long time. Not Myself. I really didnt know what i was gonna do. So about saturday i gave up. I mean i gave up i had no options at this point. At that point i hit my knees and prayed and told god i was putting it in his hands, only he could find me something at this point. Not to go to church on you or anything but Im thankful for transportaion at this point. Monday i went to school and told my recruiter about my car troubles, she said she would see what she can do. wednesday rolled around and she told me about this girl from my area who had the exact same classes as i do. So i talked to the chick wednesday and she said she dont have no problem doing it. Ill hit her up wit some gas money and its all good.

Thank You.

2008-01-06T12:25:00.001-05:00

No matter how hard i try to stay optimistic about my school / car situation i just cant seem to find a way. I just find it so hard to believe that i will probably have to drop out of school soon. It hurts me deeply. I really don't want to drop out of school and at this point dropping out mid semester will cause me to have to start paying back these student loans immediately and will probably damage my financial aid. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but i keep breaking down. I'm at a loss. I Have no other options. I guess I'm done. I Really don't know what to do. I Really don't. Its coming around the corner so quickly and i still dont have a ride to school Wednesday or Friday. What will i due. I thought i would atleast have until tax time but at they way things are going i wont have such luck.

GOD! PLEASE HELP ME!

Jeopardy

2008-01-05T18:46:00.000-05:00

Jeopardy: Risk of loss or injury; peril or danger.

I used to ask myself could my life get any worse. I'll never ask myself that question again because the answer is it always can. These days life just seems to get worse for me. It just seems to crush me without any effort or hesitation. I feel like a fool. No. I Am A Fool. I am a fool to think that things will ever change for me. I would have to be a fool to think that i can make my life worth something, to think that things would ever look up for me, to think that I could ever make the life for me that i always wanted. What a fool. How Foolish Of Me. Right now i am losing everything, everything including my mind. Right now i feel like drowning myself. I don't feel like living. After all, i have nothing to live for. Not a damn thing. My light just keeps getting dimmer, my spirit broken smaller, hope is nonexistent, Faith........ Faith......... My mind draws a blank. It's only me now, and as you can tell there is not much of me left. I honesty don't see anything ahead of me anymore. It has all faded into the darkness, faded back into the naive imagination from which it came. The only thing i see ahead of me now is small, dark, and cold. All i see is me back into that corner from which i came. No escape. No help. No One. Nothing. Just me and a pair of arms i know so well. Small, Dark, Cold, Me, Those arms, Those tears. The only things that have stayed consistent. The things i know so well.

Whats left of me now?

How immature of me.

How foolish of me.......

My Last Post: '07

2007-12-30T13:16:00.000-05:00

As i have said many times before, i cant wait for this year to be over. Im anticipating starting a F.R.E.S.H. new year. And with this new year i plan on being a new me. Someone whos about they business, refocused, on they J.O.B.. I plan on doing alot of positive things this year to better myself emotionally, physically, mentally, and my entire outlook on life. NO! In no way am i trying to make resolutions because those are simply things that most people dont even make it to January 2nd actually doing. Im simply stating that this year will be diffrent for me and that i will live it up this year. Focused.

Christmas

2007-12-25T11:30:00.000-05:00

Its Christmas Morning....... Like any year since the sixth grade the first thing i thought about when i woke up this morning was that it doesn't feel like Christmas. Not at all. I guess since ill be having to drop out of school very soon, i cant find the motivation to really get happy about anything anymore. I feel like my future is in limbo. It seems as if i can never catch a break never have a moment in my life when things can go right for once. I finally find a job and now i have no for sure transportation to school. It seems like even when I'm trying to do something right, something positive, something that will better myself there is always something that goes wrong or something i cant seem to fix that brings me right back to down to square one. Something that always has the ability to break the little bit of spirit i have left in me just a little more. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just not meant to accomplish anything. If I'm just destined to live my life as a dreamer, someone who dreamed of doing bigger and better things but just never seemed to get that far. At this point i feel like i have everything against me. Like I'm backed into a corner with no possible way of getting out, like theirs no significant sliver of light to guide me out of this darkness. I'm trying to keep a optimistic demeanor but i feel as if threes no hope. I feel as if I really just cant seem to get ahead. Ill never be where i want to be. At a time where i am supposed to be grateful and happy i cant help but to think that Ill die here a sad lonely man thinking about what i could have done with my life......

Down...

2007-12-20T11:35:00.000-05:00

So much has been on my mind lately. Too much to formulate into words. Too much for my fingers to type. Too much. So many things have happened this last month. Im so ready for this year to end. Im ready to start new. I need a fresh start. 2007 was nothing but a bad year for me. There were a few good things that happened to me, but as the year went on it just seemed to get worse and worse and im so ready to forget it all. I have so many problems and so many things that seem like their too impossible for me to fix. I feel like in the end ill be the loser in this situation even when im trying so hard to finally do positive things and actually doing very good. I say it over and over that there always seems to be some kind of hurdle blocking my path to a better me. Nothing seems to be going right at this point. I havent smiled in weeks.

.......... I Dont even feel like finishing this post.

A Song I Always Listen To When Im Down. Personal Favorite.

Kelis - Get Along With You

This Past Week

2007-12-11T19:44:00.000-05:00

This is one of my absolute favorite songs (If not my #1 Favorite) of all time. I would listen to this song while you read this post.

In the midst of all that is happening around me...... i have somehow managed to be inspired by some of the little things i encounter everyday. Like the cartoons i watch, the music i listen to, the people around me who are trying to do positive things with their life's and are going places, and of course the most positive thing in my life these last couple months.......Love.......

So many things have happened to me in the last week. Regrets, revelations, truth, and of course many problems. This last week has shown me that i need to work even harder than i am now to get to where i want to be in the next 5 years. It has shown me that i need to make a lot of changes in my life. A lot of these changes that will benefit me for the good but, a lot of these changes will also cause me to separate from a lot of people i feel who bring me down in many ways, and a lot of people who are negative influences on me. I think i need to get away and make the necessary steps to insure that in 10 years i still wont be here, and that i will be happy, living, and loving myself and my life. I need to insure that in 10 years i will be dependent upon only myself and that i wont be going through the same petty problems and mishaps that i go through today. I believe i need to look around me at the world and the people in my life and realize that i truly don't want to end up like these people. So many people around me aren't truly living and aren't fully capitalizing on their potential to be so much more. I myself too believe that at the moment i am not capitalizing on my potential. I guess what this means is that i need to truly, truly, truly put away all the childish things i am doing, concentrate only on what the future can bring, stop looking back and only look forward. By in no way do i mean that i will forget my past and where i come from, but i believe that on those occasions when i do happen to get a little lost on my way to better things and happen to glance over my shoulder that i should use my past as motivation to work harder and do even better.

Tagged!

2007-12-10T12:36:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged. According to Numerology 7 Is My life Number. So Here are 7 Random Facts About Me! Enjoy.

***************************************************

* One of my lifelong goals is to move out of Ohio. I See myself in Florida, Georgia, or somewhere else where it stays warm and there is very little to no snow.

* I hate liars. I Don't deal with, interact, or associate myself with people that lie. Sadly, a great number of people in my life lie for no reason

* I am a gay black male and no one in my family knows this but my mother and stepfather. Im still learning alot about myself and learning to love myself in an environment where i have no one to look up to and everyone around me including family hates people like me. None of them have asked me about it yet but im sure they have some idea. Even my mother and stepfather arent completely ok with my sexuality but i am learning to live for myself and no one else.

* I LOVE Latinos! For some reason i have never messed with a black male as of yet (which i just noticed last night) But i love me some Latin men. My Boyfriend Is Boricua/Mexican. I Dunno Why I Have This Attraction To Them..... I Just Do! ( I Just Love Me Some Daddy Yankee)

* I Feel like i should be farther ahead and have acquired more in my life, but in my life there always seem to be some kind of road block that hinders my progression to make a better life for myself. (and it bothers me to see people who are sitting around doing nothing have much better lives
than i do and have more than me).

* I want to make a career out of Graphic Design, but sadly i dont want to be a starving artist. I Mean im already starving....... So now I Quench my artistic thirst Drawing, Designing shoes, reading / watching fashion & Anime/Manga Cartoons. I Also want to do Photography.

* Rihanna & Chris Brown Are My 2 favorite singers at the moment. I Love that they do their own thing and have their own style.

Hmmmmm............ 7 Already, I Guess that is all. :)

Snow

2007-12-01T21:10:00.000-05:00

I Despise the snow. No I can honestly say that i believe HATE is an ugly word. But I HATE the snow. Its only the first of December and the snow is here. i mean it couldn't wait for the month to change so that it could come and ruin the weather. Now there will be countless numbers of people who will not know how to drive in the snow. It will be ridiculously cold out. Ugggh! How i HATE, Hate, HATE the snow. I long for the day when i move from out of this hell that is Ohio and down to Florida where its sunny and warm all year long. Or anywhere for that matter where the snow just doesnt seem to exist in the winter months.

I'm Not Happy. Not At All.
:(

Reanimation

2007-11-29T23:08:00.000-05:00

Lately i have been thinking of making myself over. Reanimating my style. I have always noticed that around where i live every guy wheres the same thing, The Norm. The norm meaning White tee, jeans, gym shoes and im so ready to seperate myself from that look. One thing that i said i wanted to do was a more fitted look and i already wear more fitted shirts i now buy sizes no larger than a medium a large if i have to but no larger than that. The problem is im still wearing the norm: White tee, jeans, gym shoes and i desperately want to eliminate these items from my wardrobe. White tees will be for sleeping in, my jeans will be a tighter fit no more baggy jeans for me thus meaning i will have to actually try things on at the stores WHICH I HATE WITH A PASSSION! I will eliminate sweat pants from my wardrobe completely will be for those cold winter nights. For those days where i just fill like i want to throw on a pair of sweat pants i will replace those with some nice Nike/Jordan track/warm up pant types. I want to my look to be more fitted, more casual, more mature, yet sporty and comfortable. My shoe game will consist of many diffrent brands. I Love Nike Dunks(My #1 Favorite type of Shoe), Puma, Timberland, Chuck Taylors, and many other diffrent shoe brands. Im especially feeling those casual gym shoes that you can where with some nice pants and a nice button up or polo and wear out to the club. Yeah Who Makes Those Types? I Want a more casual mature look. Ecko is my absolute favorite brand and i love Marc Ecko's more mature Line Cut & Sew (links In My Section To The Right). Im Tired of dressing like im still in highschol & every other male i know that lives in my area. It's time to seperate myself from the pack and dress the way i want in my own style no matter what anyone else has to say about it. Im just really at the point where im ready to do me and say you either with me or against me. Lifes way to short to worry about other people at this point.

It's time to do me.

WORKING OUT!

2007-11-24T23:31:00.000-05:00

Lately i have been talking about how my weight or lack there of is bothering me again. Ive Always wanted a nice body, it doesnt have to be like the guys i see in the magazines but just something that i can look at in my mirror and be satisfied with.

Im Doing It For Me, so that i can be satisfied with my appearance

As Of Tomorrow I Am gonna research the steps necessary to get the body i want. Im 5ft 7in and right now im 120 Pounds. dont get me wrong heavier guys have told me they would kill to be this thin and my boyfriend loves my body. :) Im very good looking Nice Flat stomach, toned. But I hate being thin. Ive always wanted to be heavier, have more meat on my bones. Be More muscular. My Goal Is To Be Between 160-175. The Highest my weight has ever been was 140 ( I Loved My Body Then!!! ). So as of tomorrow im going to try to start to consume healthier food and more of it And of course work out to build muscle. I figure this way i'll save tons of money on the gas i wont use going to the east side. So when i get bored at home I'll Work on my art/drawings and hit the weights. Now All i need is a IPod to listen to while i work out. Ill Post any Updates on here of course. So Wish me luck and my goal to get in shape and be healthy.

Tips & Advice are more than welcome.

A Break

2007-11-20T23:54:00.001-05:00

I was gonna post last night. but i was waaaaaaayyyyy to tired from typing my paper. I wrote that bad boy in about 2 1/2 hours and its full of nothing really. All of my papers that i have written for this one class that i have to write papers for have been full of nothing. I pull sentences outta nowhere, thesaurus.com is my amigo.

I'm so tired of life at the moment. My money woes, school, finding a job, my relationship. It's all just too much at times. I'm so glad that tomorrow is thanksgiving and i can finally have a decent meal this week. my weight has dropped from actually not having a decent meal this week. One of my top 3 goals was to have healthy body image, to always have the body i wanted a nice muscular toned body. But having my dream body requires nourishment and exercise. Dont get me wrong i have the weights to use but not the food. To have food you need dinero and thats just something im lacking at the moment. I already have a fast metabolism and about a year and a half ago when i was actually gaining weight and reaching my goal of 150-160 pounds i got a job that used and worked me to the bone for minimum wage and i started to lose weight very quickly. If i skip a meal i literally begin to lose weight. it takes me forever to put it on but i can lose pounds in a matter of hours. Ive found in order to gain and maintain weight when i put it on i have to eat at least every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Right now my weight is a mere 120. well actually its about 116 according to the scale and it something im not to happy about. i love food and miss it very much but at the moment im struggling to stay sane and alive on a daily basis. thats why im so so so so happy that after tonights class i have a week and a half off from school and i start a new job come saturday. Im relieved but still not where i want to be. Im really gonna have to go above and beyond so that these people keep me at the end of the season, because this job is purely seasonal. So either they keep me come january or its off too me searching for a new job again. I can only pray i suppose. I need a break tho. Life is beating me up at the moment.

My relationship sometimes confuses me to no end. He has mood swings like a girl on his period.
I dunno. Im Tired of everything.

Like i said, Life is beating me up at the moment. :(

Andre? Where’s Andre? Has anyone seen Andre?

2007-11-17T12:28:00.000-05:00

Project Runway Is Back And I Am Relieved.

I mean with the abundance of shows like I Love New York, A Shot At Love, And The Disappointing Real World(only The Episodes In Coral-Vision Are Entertaining) Which They Bombard you 5-6 times a day with numerous reruns of episodes you seen what 4 hours earlier, TV Is ridiculous at this point. There are only a few good shows on tv that i actually take the time to watch and project runway is one of them. Theres alot of refreshing designers on this season. A LOT of talent and fresh new personalities. I Mean if you watched the first episode you can tell season 4 is gonna be very very good if not one of the best. Theres so many designers i dont think i can pick a favorite at the moment. Some of the ones im going to keep my eye out for is Carmen, Ricky, Christian (what an ego!), Rami, And a lot of the others. Those were just a few i remembered of the top of my head. Oh Yeah and the hippie tree-hugging flower child who embued the fabric with grass stains. HILARIOUS! but the bitch can sew. Theres really alot of talent. Project Runway has given me a reality show with some substance besides people gettind drunk every night and competing for someones Love. I Mean how come there hasnt been a gay show like this yet? Do Gay People Not Need To Find Love??????? & Get Drunk? Geez.

I have my set shows each week.

Heroes

Cane

ANTM ( I Only watch for Bianca & Salisha )

Project Runway

Avatar: The Last Airbender ( Dont Hate I Love Cartoons And This Is The Best One Out!!!!)

Now............ Make It Work!

Liars

2007-11-16T17:59:00.000-05:00

Ok So I call target the fucking HR Human resources manager isn't there. So Im gonna call him tomorrow to see whats up with this job. Or else im headed to the temp service. i gotta do what i gotta do. my day was ruined when i found out my lying ass grandma and lying ass aunt fucked my money situation up. Im no longer associating myself with these two people. they are now considered Frenemies. They will get no longer than arms length. they can have nothing from me. NOTHING. not a ride not a hi not a dollar. Im sick of being fucked over by people when they know my situation. im tired of helping people when they in need and in return they fuck me over. im done dealing with people who do nothing but bring me down further in this game called Life. Im So tired of the people i dont need. I feel like its time to trim the fat. Im Done with them. everyone knows i hate liars and i dont deal wit liars. I feel like if they aint spitting out dollar bills then they have nothing to say to me. flat out. That's all too it at this point. I feel like at this point the only people i can trust is my mom, dad, best friend and my boyfriend. IM DONE! Its sad, but at this point i feel like its true. no one else gives a damn about my situation. im tired of life.

Obsession ( The Male Form Part - 2 )

2007-11-11T01:20:00.000-05:00

Comments Are Appreciated. ;)

Obsession ( The Male Form )

2007-11-11T01:04:00.000-05:00

Lately Ive been obsessed with the male form. the male physique. the male body. So Ive been trying to find pictures that would help me to draw the male form. I Think I May Have just found my first subject. I came across this Beautiful Deity just a few minutes ago and the first thing that popped in my head was my best friend and how much she'll like this guy. physically if I'm not mistaken, her type. i present to you fine ladies and gentlemen

Zach Burns - Model

Chris Brown - Exclusive

2007-11-08T21:07:00.000-05:00

What Can I Say. He Put His Foot In This One. Its A Front To Backer Here Ladies & Gentlemen. He Definantly Set Himself Apart With This One. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay Better Than The 1st. If you Dont Have It Go Buy It. Its Worth The $10.00 And I Aint Bought A CD Since '88. You Definantly Notice The Growth In Subject Matter. Give It A 10/10. He's Doin His Thing And Has No Competition From Anyone His Age In the Music Biz.